It's a choice....

If you've been on this weight loss not-so-merry-go-round for any length of time there is a good chance that like me you're pretty fed up with it.  I know that to be true because after last weeks blog many of you told me so!  For us this is a journey on a a good day but battle on so many others. It has consumed our lives for so long that we believe it is our life.  It is not our life, it is a circumstance of our life at this time.  

Of circumstances the Dalai Lama says we can "become increasingly resentful and afraid or we can let them soften us and make us kinder. You always have a choice."

Last week I was resentful.  Not the first time I resented my relationship with food and it probably won't be the last but I do believe I'm getting better at keeping that dragon at bay.  In the past I would have allowed those feelings to fester and grow and feel sorry for myself...all the while cleaning out the fridge and cupboards....and not in a spring cleaning sort of way either!  

I have learned to be kinder to myself regarding my relationship with food.  And guess what?  Once I make the choice to leave resentment-ville my whole being opens up to the ever present possibility of change!  You can do the same with your feelings towards food.  All you gotta do is feed the right wolf.  The choice is yours.

And if you still don't believe this is a mind game, what are your thoughts about yourself and your weight loss journey?  Are they full of anger, resentment and feelings of worthlessness?  Yes?  How's that working for you?  I thought so.  Make the choice right now to feed the right wolf.

I'm so sick of it! Warning: This blog contains coarse language....there is an F-bomb!

Ok, I know I just came back from 16 days in Maui, but I'm going to bitch and complain cause this Buttercup has no suck-it-up left!  

Good little WW that I am,  I started right back with my tracking and was on Plan the day after we got home....AND already I'm so sick of it!!!  I'm sick of thinking about food, of measuring food, of tracking food, of saying no to food, of  "low fat" foods, of not having chips, of making yet another pot of soup, of not seeing results like I used to, of having these thoughts running around in my head....sick, sick, sick, and a let's not forget, tired, of it all.  I have been on this damn diet treadmill since I was in grade 6!  Grade fucking 6, that's 44 years!  

And I want to quit.  I want to eat what I want without thought or planning. But (damn my hard won wisdom) I know that is not an option.  And quite frankly the way I feel today, that really pisses me off!

And do you know what else pisses me off?  Yesterday, while trying to get some badly needed endorphins by playing snow soccer with James I pulled my quadricep muscle.  See that bad kick? Totally over extended my leg and ouch!  Oh, and the ball is supposed to go down the hill, not back into the garage.  

So where was I, oh ya, I want to quit.  I want to quit so badly.  I want to quit and dive into the largest bag of chips that Costo sells and live there forever.  But I freakin' can't!  I can't because there is only one thing in this world of weight loss that hurts almost as much as doing nothing, and that's starting over.  I have started over so many times and have been so angry with myself for quitting and feeling like such a loser.  Each time I vowed this would be the last time, that when I hit that inevitable snag, plateau, winter and/or spring, summer or fall blues that I would fight to stay on track and wait it out.

These days when I'm finding it hard to bring up feelings of gratitude there is one thing I can cling to and that is the thought of my WW peeps.  It's bringing tears to my eyes right now when I think of the weight loss struggles so many of you have and yet never give up, or have been close to giving up and leave a meeting with the resolve to keep going.  I feel such a part of the collective and it's such a safe, accepting place to be.  You all are a lifeline for me...(more tears) and I am so thankful and, sniff, sniff there it is...grateful... that this time I'm not fighting the battle alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And, on a lighter note:
 This is what I'll be doing tomorrow morning, drinking coffee

and letting Scott kick the damn ball!

Just remember....

Too much...

I don't even celebrate Valentine's Day...so why do I still think I need chocolate??

Knowing what works for you will help you get where you want to be!

Everyone is the same...yet different.  When it comes to weight loss knowing your body and what works for you is key.  Your fellow member may be able to eat 3 servings of bread or potatoes a day and lose weight.  Another member may be able to make an entire pan of brownies and just have one. Your friend may be able to eat 5 fruits a day and continue with an even weight loss. Some members get very little any activity and are still able to lose and/or maintain weight. 

I am like none of those members.  Looking sideways at bread or potatoes makes me gain weight.  I would only make a pan of brownies if I had full intentions of eating the entire pan...in one day.  If I eat grapes, watermelon or bananas my weight loss slows down.  If I eat more than 2 fruits a day, my weight loss slows down.  Oh, and let's not forget the 94 % fat free popcorn...it fattens me up nicely!  If I don't walk at least 4 times a week I don't lose weight and if I don't exercise at all I gain weight even if my food intake is right on Plan. Fortunately, I can work some "treats" into my week and still lose weight.  

Accepting "what is" in life, and in weight loss, is one 

of my biggest breakthroughs.

I now know what works for me and have accepted 

what it takes to get me where I want to go. 

Have you?

When is a gain still a win?

Even though I've walked every day I've had my feet in Hawaii (8000 - 12000 steps each day), I know I've gained a few pounds!  

I have two tells:

1. there's a fold on the right side of my belly fat that "fills" out.

2. I can't feel my side ribs through my back fat.

But,  am happy to report I've had chips just once, (and really they were for medicinal purposes as my stomach was upset), and am having only 2 or 3 beers a day.  Plus only 3 pieces of pie this whole time and 2 of them were in one sitting, so they may count as just one.  Yes??? No?? Ok :)

And, last year I walked maybe 4 times over the two weeks, plus had a large bag of chips each day, plus many bowls of popcorn, plus 5 beers everyday, plus many sweet desserts, plus, plus, plus! 

So I'm giving myself a pat on the back this year knowing that not all wins have to include

 a weight loss.  Some wins are about doing your best and enjoying the moment....

and yes, that's me sitting below our condo enjoying a couple of  beers while watching

 the waves, whales and sea turtles!

Aloha, and see you next week!  

Aloha from Maui!

I'm working really hard on the activity part of the Plan...just so I can slack off a bit on the food part:) Everyday we have hiked from 3 to 5 miles, not kms, and half of it is up hill!  Here's me hiking through bamboo forest, it was truly amazing, and quite loud....like a bunch of 5 year old kids at drum practice!