Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are....

Well, isn't that little statement the truth!?!  And I'm going to go one step further and say it's a waste of your precious, and limited, time on earth wishing it will happen!  How am I so smart that I know these things?? Because, once again ha, ha, I am my own best science experiment! I have wasted countless, precious, and never to be regained hours wanting and wishing for things to be different.  I was the young 12 year old locked in my room pouring over beauty magazines wishing I was someone else.

Over the years my vanity, fueled by my near non-existent self esteem, lead me to starve myself into a 12 year eating disorder, an uncontrollable sugar addiction and acute gastritis.  And let's not even discuss the number all of that did on my ability to poop! I can say that now without embarrassment because thankfully I am now at an age when I really don't give a shit!!  Ha, ha....

I'd like to say I grew up, became enlightened, discovered the meaning of life and started my journey into well being but nope, not the case!  I had nothing to do with it.  I got pregnant and something inside of me snapped (his name is Glenn) and I went into protective mother-mode. There was no way I was going to do anything to harm an innocent and that started me on my road, a very long road that sometimes took me up a very steep hill and very close to the edge, to recovery.

I was a little heavy as a child but it wasn't until I started to obsess about being someone better that I started to gain weight. Oh, and here's the kicker: thanks to my starvation diets which started in Grade 6, at 18 years old I weighed 125 pounds and had a 22 inch waist....but I thought I was fat.  So then I was...where the mind goes the body follows. 

I find it ironic that this blogs title belongs to Marilyn Monroe, the definition of physical perfection by many standards, and yet, she suffered greatly with low self esteem.  

So where are you in your story?  Are you happy to be you? Yes? Fantastic, you were gifted with one of the essential building blocks for a happy life!  Or are you not so happy being you?  How much of your one and only life have you spent of wanting and wishing to be someone else?  

Not sure how to turn the wanting of what-can-never-be off? Well, like any unhealthy habit it starts with acknowledging it exists. Notice when it comes up in your thoughts and then practice changing the direction of the negative thought to a positive one.  It doesn't have to be deep and philosophical, it just has to positive and honest. 

Don't waste the wonderful person you are
 by wishing you were someone else!

                                       

     

So does being grateful for what I have right now mean I have to be grateful even if I'm not able to get back to goal?

If I want to be happy, yes, I guess it does.  

Since my Puerto Rican holiday weight gain (9 pounds in two weeks) 2 1/2 years ago I have only managed to get within 2 lbs of my goal once and it was very short lived. :(

Today I went to my first meeting as a member since reaching goal.  I've been tracking, walking, drinking my water and still losing the weight has been like a cha-cha...two steps forward, 2 steps back!  I've known for some time I needed to go back to being a member so I committed to going...on a Monday no less!  I decided to go on a Monday as a "test" to see if my love/hate relationship with "my number" on the scale has indeed changed. And I think it has!!   I would NEVER have gone on a Monday before as weekends are my "planned indulgence" days and that usually involves more salt and starch than other days, I had my usual breakfast (normally I would skip breakfast until after weigh-in), I did not remove every article of clothing I could, and most important of all... I did not throw myself off the front curb when I saw the number!  In fact I was quite unemotional about it, for once I saw it as a number that told me I took in more calories than I burned and not as yet another failure.

I will admit I have a bit of fear that even sticking to my plan that I might not loose the weight this time.  And that's where my title question comes in "So does being grateful for what I have right now mean I have to be grateful even if I'm not able to get back to goal?"  The answer is still the same...If I want to be happy, then yes, it absolutely does.  I am grateful for the awesome people (you know who you are!!) I've met on this journey, grateful to be healthy and very grateful my relationship with food is approaching normal!  And that really does make me happy!

What you do every day matters much more than what you do once in awhile.

Oh boy do I need to believe this.  We just came back from a wonderful weekend away and I not only fell off the wagon, I rolled into the ditch and down the hill!  I am an all or nothing person so, yes, I had at least 6 desserts at Sunday night dinner...but no bread!:)

Three days of eating, and a certain amount of drinking, pretty much what I wanted of course has had it consequences but I'm okay with that because I knew the wagon would pull up in front of my house this morning and I would get on it.  I got on it because getting on the wagon is what I do every day, not just once in a while.  It's a habit I didn't really realize was a habit because it's just what I do.

So take a moment to think about all of the things you do everyday while working toward your goal and give yourself a little pat on the back.  Those little habits are, and will continue to be the backbone of your success!  And if you happen to notice some daily habits that are counterproductive to your success, don't fret, now you know what could be standing in your way!

Do you take care of you?

Taking care of ourselves can mean so many different things. For some it means creating healthier eating and activity habits.  For others it means keeping some of your precious time for yourself.  For some it means letting go of all the little bat-shit-crazy negative thoughts from the past.

If you are like me, you are, or at one time have been, all of the above! 

It's very time consuming. 

Take a break, "the greatest gift you can give yourself is a little bit of your own attention".  

Anthony J. D'Angelo

And if taking care of yourself because you matter is not enough, think about this...

My fastest route to happiness!

When it comes to cultivating happiness, my instrument of choice is now gratitude.  I know that may sound very Oprah/Deepak but it's true.  A few years back I started trying to be happy with where I was and what I had but no matter what I did I wasn't happy.  Why?  Because I was trying to access happiness with "things", constantly trying to find and get the "next thing" that would make me happy.

Then somewhere during my relentless search for happiness (you remember me once saying I never give up and am constantly searching for answers? )  I heard/saw the statement below:

Show gratitude for what I have right now?  "But I don't want what I have right now?"  But Oprah said it (and I do love Oprah!), so I started to think about it ...."Even though I'm not happy right now, I know I have much to be grateful for."  So, I started.  First of all I listed all the general items: family, friends, health, roof over my head, enough food to eat, bills are paid etc.  Right off the bat I felt ashamed because I knew I had nothing to bitch about!  I knew it but that didn't change how I felt because cognitively "knowing" something doesn't mean we're able to put it into practice. I was worried my thoughts of "lacking" were so abundant and strong that introducing new thoughts would be difficult, if not impossible.  But then something simple, and rather startling, happened....I felt better.  I felt better and it was easy....ummm, that was unusual!

Feeling grateful changed my mood instantly and I felt happiness!  Me liked that one!

That moment of awareness was a game changer for me.  After a while I started to dig deeper into my well of things to be grateful for, smaller, unpredictable, things:  an unexpected kind word, a warm day in January, a cold snowy day in January (and not having to get into my car!!), my son calling me out of the blue and my husband finally agreeing it was time to get a dog!  And, are you ready for this???  The seemingly smaller the thing was that I felt grateful for, the greater the happiness I felt. Isn't that fantastic?  Do you realize what that means? It means, if not a single solitary thing in your life changes, but you feel grateful what you already have, your happiness can grow in leaps and bounds!

Your well of the things to be grateful for is bottomless!  And when Oprah talks about "having more" she's not talking about having more stuff, she's saying that by acknowledging what we already have we automatically have more!

I am grateful for all of you.

And I'm grateful that I don't care if that sounds corny!! :)