Embrace your emotional pain.

We all have it and we all hate it because it hurts!  But think about it, being in emotional pain is perhaps why at times we're open to personal growth and change, and yes, I know it's often because we're desperate but that's okay, desperation is often the last shove that gets us to the threshold of change.

When we're unhappy and in emotional pain self preservation springs into action.  We start seeking out ways to relieve the pain and often that's when, and why, we walk through the door of our WW workshops.  We join up, start tracking, walking and losing weight...Yay!!!... and for a while we're on a roll so we stop seeking.  We believe our emotional pain is caused by our weight so it stands to reason once the weight starts to come off we believe our pain will end.  But it doesn't always, does it?  And once the honeymoon weight loss period is over for some of us the weight starts to come back on and we start to panic, and more weight comes back on.  

And I know what you're thinking, "What about So&So, they lost weight and they've kept it off?"  Yes, it's true some people lose the weight and keep it off and believe me I've talked to those people at length and here's one key factor they have in common: THEY walked through the door loving themselves but wanted to lose some weight NOT wanted to lose some weight SO they could love themselves.  

They say a toothache or a migraine is some of the worst physical pain one can have because it's in your head.  Emotional pain is some of the worst pain a person can have for the same reason.  I've been running from emotional pain my whole life and it's just now that I've learned that in order to ease my pain I must first embrace it. And that's a scary thing to do because embracing means bringing closer with affection and that's the last thing we want to do!  But as it has turned out embracing my emotional pain is leading me on the most profound and loving path of my life. My pain caused an emotional fight or flight response which painfully lead me to understand you cannot fight your way out of emotional pain, you have to grow your way out.  And the way we grow emotionally is to plant new thoughts and ideas.

So I started seeking. Since self-help books put me to sleep, I listen to self-help audio books and inspirational Podcasts daily and I watch Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, TED Talks or YouTube videos to start my day.  I am replacing my constant seeking of ways to make myself worthy with constantly seeking the joy that is uniquely me.  And that is not a statement of conceit, haha...if you know me at all you know I  deleted that line several times before leaving it in!  And yes I still hear my father's voice "about getting a swelled head" but now I understand he only passed on what he was given. I left it in because it's part of my personal growth to acknowledge that there is joy in being uniquely me.  

And I believe with my whole heart and soul that there is joy in being uniquely you too!  Now is the time for you to start believing it.  It may seem impossible to weed out the negativity you feel about yourself, but what IS possible is to plant new joyful and loving thoughts.  And once you do and start to feel good and hopeful the emotional pain will start to be released.  You will be in growth mode and no longer content to feel unworthy so you'll want to seek and plant, seek and plant and reap the benefits.

Embrace your emotional pain, it's your soul's way of telling you it's time to grow!

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I can totally relate.

This morning I was so lucky to have a moment to answer a fellow WW member-friend's message inquiring about my Mom and received back message filled with words of kindness right when I needed them. I don't need to share why I'm feeling empty right now (if you're reading this you most likely have read much if not all of my sharing (over-sharing??) in my blog. I've felt the need to write an entry but just couldn't land on a topic until now. In addition to the many lovely and kind words you have shared with me about my blog, one word keeps cropping up: relatable.

This is what I wrote back to M.:

"Thank you so much for you words, I really need them right now. I know it's grief, guilt and fatigue that are hitting me now but I'm really struggling with food because I have huge chunks of time when I just don't give a crap and then I feel like crap both mentally and physically. I'm carry a 10 pound food baby right now and yesterday I thought my skin was going to burst! And I feel so guilty about wanting to come home last night when my Dad begged, actually begged, me to stay another night but I just didn't have it in me. I reasoned that if I stayed until 6 and he goes to bed at 8 and would not be up until long after I had left in the morning that I could do what I needed to do for me but still feel guilty as hell. He's lost the love of his life and yet she still walks this earth and he's in so much pain. So thanks for your words, best timing ever, and love the comment "Continue to be the Fruitloop in life’s bowl of Cheerios!"

Well, Tribe, can you relate?? I know you can because everyone has something in their life that causes them to feel grief, guilt and/or fatigue. And even though I know for sure that when you least want to go to a workshop you most definitely need to go, if it wasn't that I'm coaching the workshop tonight this WW member would skip it and sit on my couch and eat, possibly a whole lotta chips.

But M's words have lifted me so I'm going to send them out to all of you and hope they lift you too!

"Give yourself permission to feel what you feel without the guilt. You got to do what you got to do to get through this nightmare. Most important is to get your mental health in order and be sweet and kind to your lil self. Do some nice things for yourself that you enjoy. Find good counselling, meds, meditation, walks, friendships, salon, spa, ....... Don’t go near anyone that’s negative or a pain in the ass right now if you can help it. Yeah. Your dad needs you but you’re no good to him or anyone if you’re exhausted, guilty and depressed. Make good WW food choices when you can and track...... but other than that, let it go and you gotta fix yourself first. You gotta a friend in me, so feel free to bend my ear."

So, Tribe, 

if you're having a day, a week or a year we can all relate

 and if you join us maybe we can lift you too!

"Some days you just got nothin'."

This morning I sat down to check with the WW topic for this week and was dismayed to see it is "Ease emotions (without food)".  Normally I would love this topic because ya'all know I love to delve into the food/emotion pot and stir it up!  Love it!

But today I thought, "I'm going to have to really fake it today, cause I got nothin'."  Today I'm recovering from a weekend of trying to ease my emotions with food.  My Mom is still in the hospital waiting for her slow-down-Rebecca meds to kick in so I can move her to a secure floor in a retirement residence.  My Dad, brother and I spent the entire weekend pretending all was okay because apparently I'm the only one who likes to talk about our feelings.  I was determined not to repeat the cookie episode from last weekend when I chowed down somewhere between 3 and 8 large Macadamia nut cookies and then took the last 37 of them and soaked them with soapy dish water, then mashed them up and hid them in the compost container.  Yes, that happened and yes I belong to a family where no one notices when 45 cookies go missing!  But this weekend no cookies, just everything else that was not nailed down.  Have you noticed that they don't nail chips down like they used to?

On my way to Denbigh I was not hungry but stopped anyway and got a can of Pringles and on the way home three days later I was not hungry but stopped anyway and got a can of Pringles.  Both times the can was gone in about 7 minutes and that's not an exaggeration...about 7 minutes.  Yup, I'm that good.

Back to this morning...still nothin'!  Even though as a WW Coach we are members first we still try to lead by example but today...."I got nothin'!" 

I started to think of Weight Watchers re-imagined to WW - Wellness that Works.  And Wellness is not just about the food, it's also about self compassion and perseverance. It's about not berating yourself when you can't get your rings off because of all the salt in the chips.  It's about drinking more water to offset all the salt in the chips.  It's about going for a walk to clear your head or going to bed early if you haven't the strength to try and clear your head.  It's about getting up the next day and deciding to have scrambled eggs with a side of fruit for breakfast instead of the last 3 cereal bars with a side jar of peanut butter. It's about going to a workshop and lightening your burden by sharing it with your people.

So the next time you think you've got nothin' remember all that Wellness means to you and work the ones you've still got.