Don’t look for ways to prove to yourself that you’re not doing well because your brain will happily supply them!

Do you ever notice when your thoughts start to go in one direction, thoughts of the same nature start to flood your brain?  Especially negative thoughts?  I found this online so it must be true: “In general, people have negative thoughts because they suffer and because they have fears. Humans, unlike animals, can extrapolate from their present circumstances and believe that they can predict the future. When things are going well, the future looks bright, when they are not, it looks dark.”  I would say after talking with so many of you through our workshops, and privately, that statement rings true for you, it certainly does for me.

What if we think of our brain as a search engine that houses all the thoughts and memories we have created in our lifetime and that every time we have a thought it’s like telling the brain to find more supporting “facts” for that thought?  Our brain doesn’t distinguish between positive or negative thoughts, not it’s job, so if you think you’re not doing well in your WW plan right now, your brain will provide all sorts of past thoughts and memories to prove what you’re thinking is true!  Now, as I’ve said before I am not a doctor (but still desperately want to play one on TV) however I’ve lived in my brain for a long time and I’ve observed the search engine that is my brain in action many times, so I know this is true for me.

You know the ads that pop up the side on your Facebook page or in online articles you click on?  How ads for shoes, dresses, linens, wall art, that you love, show up even though you are not looking? Everything you search for on the internet is stored so the next time you make a similar search you are instantly offered sites that support that search.  I picture  my brain working the same way; when I think I’m failing because I’m not getting enough exercise my brain instantly downloads thoughts to support that argument:  how hard can it be to go for a walk every day lots of others do it, lots of easy online workout classes and plenty of time to do them, I’m not disciplined enough to do wall push-ups that’s why my arms are so flabby and the fat still hangs over my bra because I’m too lazy to join the plank challenge….one thought after another proving my actual thought: I’m failing again because I’m lacking in one way or another. Does this sound familiar?  The real problem isn’t whether or not we’re lazy or undisciplined, the real problem is that we believe it to be true. And why do we believe it to be true? Because our brain supplies the “facts” which support that argument.  And round and round we go.

For the past few years in WW we’ve been working on changing our mindset, I think it’s safe to say we all now accept that is a mind-game.  So, we work on thinking positively, we post positive quotes and we have moments of genuinely believing we’re on the right track this time, but somehow, we often find ourselves back on the familiar negative merry-go-round. Why? Because if you could search the cache of your brain, for every 1 positive thought you have, you could have 200 negative ones; which ones do you think your brain is going to present to you first?  When you google something do you go to page 5 or 12, or do you only look at the first page of sites?

 

The good news?  We are not our thoughts, we are the observer of our thoughts and we are in charge of what we tell our brains to search for; I hardly ever see pops of animal print clothes or red boots on my Facebook page anymore.  Why?  I stopped searching for them and Google stopped sending them to me.  

“The goal is to be the observer of your thoughts and not let your thoughts control you.”  

Deepak Chopra

If it wasn’t for COVID-19 everything in my life would be fine.

If it wasn’t for COVID-19  I wouldn’t be sad, lonely, depressed and over-eating.  I’d be sleeping well and not over-thinking everything.  I wouldn’t have to worry about things I can’t control because I’d be able to control them.  I wouldn’t be afraid to try something new just in case it didn’t work out. Yup, none of that is true.

Everything I feel, and every reaction I have to those feelings, is the same as it was the days, weeks, months and years before COVID-19. That revelation is an eyeopener for me.  Since we are creatures of habit, does that perhaps mean how I’m feeling right now was not created by the COVID-19 situation? And because I’m not able to distract myself in the usual ways, has this allowed a light to shine on the thoughts and emotions I have become very adept at keeping in the dark?  Were my past distractions merely allowing me to avoid dealing with some lifelong issues?  Me thinks yes.

Distraction for many of us is an important, and sometimes life saving, coping mechanism we learned very early in life. And not that there’s anything wrong with distraction but if it keeps us from dealing with our issues or problems then all we’re doing is postponing their eventual uprising: “what we resist, will persist.”

 

I’ve found in the past weeks as long as I’ve kept busy doing something that validates me (like WW workshops, WW Voice Chat and writing) I feel fine, but the moment I stop working the sadness and depression takes over. And it’s not like I didn’t know this about myself before, I did, but before, I could set my other forms of distraction into motion: travel, looking after my parents, visiting my son or going out with friends. Each activity was enough to sustain the sense of validation until it was time to do the next one.

Living life in a manner that, until now, was inconceivable to us will understandably bring situational related feelings of fear, loneliness and anxiety. But now that I’ve adjusted to the day to day COVID-19 life, I’m still “down”.  I find myself rehashing past events, things I thought I’d come to terms with, but obviously hadn’t, are finding themselves unblocked by my go-to distractions so are taking center stage. It’s not fun, but I guess it’s necessary.  Time to let them speak.

I’m fond of asking my WW members, “What have you learned about yourself on this journey?” because I think that’s how we can see where we’ve changed and where we might still be stuck.  I have definitely learned where I am still stuck, and no surprise, it continues to be my sense of worthiness. This is so embarrassing but I remember feeling shocked 2 months ago at my degree of vanity/insecurity; while most people were stockpiling food, disinfectant and toilet paper, I was stockpiling 5 years worth of hair, makeup and nail supplies!!  Sadly, and pathetically really, the only part of that last sentence that isn’t true is the 5 years part, I only have enough for 1.  So, what do I really think?  That the only reason my friends and family love me is because I’m well groomed? Would I connect less with my WW peeps if I was not able to maintain full hair and makeup?

What I’m feeling as I sit in my car writing and watching people go walking on the beach, most of the women with at least 2 months of regrowth, is wonder.  I wonder what they have learned over their years of living that I have not.  It’s not that they don’t care about their appearance, obviously they do, but for some reason they’re not defined by it. I wonder what that feels like.  I’m wondering if I’ll have the nerve to post this piece.

What have you learned about yourself these past few months?  Are you plagued by the same fears and thoughts that ran through your head before COVID-19?  Is the lack of your particular distractions allowing old wounds and fears to rise up?

Here's what I’ve learned in the past 2 months of my journey: once my needs for food and safety were met, and my many practiced distractions were gone, the same old gremlins I’ve been alternately dealing with and supressing my whole life have surfaced and have taken over the asylum. Maybe being forced to let them come out into the light will be a good thing. Maybe I will never be rid of them but perhaps I can finally learn to accept they are part of who I am and it’s okay.  Maybe once they feel heard they won’t feel the need to be so loud.  That would be nice.

And, all the moment another feeling that keeps welling up is gratitude.  No matter how down I’m feeling I can always find something to feel grateful about. For instance, right now I’m so grateful I was a hairstylist a hundred years ago.  Ah, vanity, she has certainly done me in at times but right now I thank her because in difficult times she has forced me to get out of my pyjamas and do full hair and makeup!

 

Time to dust off your superpower!

Just 2 hours ago I was getting my recycling ready to take out and I came across several empty feminine hygiene boxes and was instantly taken back to late January, (this would be a great spot to stop writing and let you wonder.…what??) when I was sitting by myself on a beach in Cuba surrounded by couples, feeling sorry for myself.  It had never dawned on me, because I never go to resorts, that they would be filled with couples, happy, drinking and frolicking couples.  And to put it mildly, it did a number on my head. Somewhere I have a story written about “I think I just put myself into 2 weeks of in-depth therapy”.  So needless to say I survived, but not until I unleashed my superpower: I never give up. I started writing every day, booked a couple of multi-day excursions around the island and left the resort almost every day to go explore and yes, drank a tad more vodka.  I made the best of it, all the while thinking, “Oh boo-hoo you, you’re in Cuba, by yourself, get over it, it could be worse!”  That was the memory I had this morning, and it made me laugh…because things are definitely worse.  And the lady products??  I’d heard women have a hard time finding them so I took a small duffle bag crammed full of them…I was so hoping I would get asked at security so I could say, “Yup, menopause is a B@!#h”, but no such luck.

Remember all the times you moaned and groaned about how hard staying on Plan was?  Of course you do, we ALL did it! After a setback, perhaps you gave yourself a talking to, reminded yourself that working to change your lifestyle isn’t a straight line and doesn’t happen overnight, and perhaps you even said, “it was only a wee slide, cheer up, it could have been worse!”  And as the saying continues, “so I cheered up and sure enough, things got worse!”.  Time to dust off your superpower, or if you don’t know what your superpower is, time to find out and let it emerge!

Everyone has a superpower….EVERYONE!!! And it must be true because I wrote it in capitols.  My superpower is that I never give up.  Throughout my life, no matter the set-back, I never gave up.  And I’m not giving up now.  Even though I have hard days and I tell myself to put your big girl panties on, but they laugh and say not today, I’m not giving up.  Sure, yesterday I ate enough raw oatmeal, soaked in Vanilla Protein shakes, to sink Molly Brown, but I’m not giving up. This morning I was back to my usual breakfast and hopefully in a couple of days I will not look like I swallowed a bowling ball. I’m not giving up.

What is your superpower? What personality trait takes charge when you’re at the end of your rope but it’s up to you to get things done? What traits comes out when someone else is in trouble and they need you?  Are you a master planner and your freezer is full of plan friendly food?  Are you always trying new recipes or activities?  Able to look at the big picture and focus on the small steps?  Do you journal and work to leave your stress on the page?  These are superpowers!

Everyone has a superpower, how do I know?  Because I hear you what you are saying, and I see what you are doing! I know you have a superpower even if you don’t.

The reality is Covid-19 has become a part of our WW journey, whether we accept it or not.

I usually write these posts when I’m inspired to share an idea I think might inspire others too.  I hear or read something that clicks and I start my writing process: for several days I write thoughts on used envelopes, on the back of grocery lists, receipts and occasionally in the middle of the night, on an empty toilet paper roll…with an eye brow pencil.  Last week during our WW workshop we talked about feeling out of control living life as we know it today and the word “acceptance” kept coming into my head.  And then, as it always does, life starts to bring images and quotes about whatever I’m focusing on into my view.

“Accept – then act.  Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.  Always work with it, not against it.  Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy.  This will miraculously transform your whole life.”  “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.”      Eckhart Tolle

Last Monday was to be the day I started taking my thoughts off the bits and pieces of paper and formulate one single, hopefully coherent, message. But Easter weekend was not great for me: I was alone, I talked with family members who live in Las Vegas, scary enough at the best of times but now very scary, I facetimed with my son who is well but whom I’m unable to hug and also with a childhood friend who was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 2 weeks ago.  And then, of course, there were the 6-foot-fear-driven conversations with people on my walks that lodged themselves into my already overactive brain. Sunday night my dreams were full of fear, worry and hot flash-producing anxiety.  So Monday I did everything to avoid writing.  I even resorted to cleaning and cooking which at least made me laugh. It made me laugh because I was doing an exceptionally good job of not accepting my present situation. I was refusing to accept what is.

I’ve been doing that with my WW plan too.  By not accepting the way it is now, I’ve been unconsciously putting myself, my plan and my life on hold until “things got back to normal.”  And that made me wonder if any of you, my wonderful WW peeps might doing the same?  Are you refusing to accept what you can’t control and putting your WW plan on hold? I know we all can’t wait to be together in our studio’s again but we are SO lucky to have our virtual workshops! One thing remains the same: just like our in-studio workshops, the virtual workshops will be what you choose to make of them. As WW members we have always known in order to be successful in reaching our weight loss and wellness goals we’ve had to accept what needed to be done, and when we went one step further and EMBRACED what needed to be done we were not only more successful but we were joyful along the way.  Even during this difficult time members are continuing to have success and that means those members are accepting what they need to do in order to be successful.  They accept they need to track, get some activity in, prep plan friendly meals, nourish their positive mindset and connect in whatever way they can. They understand that success not only comes from purposefully accepting what they need to do but also from lovingly accepting that they might not be able to do it every day.

I believe if we want to control what we put into our mouths, we must control what we put into our heads first. Once we accept, and embrace, what we need to do and focus on what we can control, life has a chance to become easier and more peaceful.