I recently posted an Emily McDowell quote called "Finding Yourself" . The last 2 lines are "Finding yourself is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.". Enter the Lao Tzu quote, "When the student is ready the teacher will appear....
Honestly, I'm kinda of tired of working on myself, I just want to be done! To be clear, I am a big believer in self-discovery and therapy but over the years it has taken up so much of my time and a ridiculous amount of space in my head! But, said Carl Jung, "What you resist persists..." so a student I will be. Again.
"a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you," When was that, in the birth canal?? Of course we were "buried under cultural conditioning" and "other people's opinions" the moment we were born. And very soon "the inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are" helped shape us into who we turned out to be. That's the real kicker because, for some of us, when the world got its hands on us, we were shaped into beings who believed we had to accept everything it dished out. Why? Well, maybe it's because some of the inaccuate conclusions we drew as kids lead us to believe we needed to become something other than who we were, that who we were was not enough. I cannot read that last sentence out loud without tearing up.
So who were we before the world got its hands on us? How can we ever know? I believe I get a glimpse of who I was more often now and it usually starts with a gut feeling. I believe that gut feeling is who I was reminding me of who I still am. It is me every time I stick up for my choices by saying, "My way is not wrong, it's just different.". It is me refusing to be treated as if I don't matter. It is me asking for what I need and actually believing I deserve it. It is me that gently reminds me again, and again, that even though I can't control what others say or do to me, I can control how I react to it. And yes, it often takes a good bit of self-talk.
I am so grateful to have remembered at least some of who I am and as painful as it can be, and has been, to process it all, in the end it has lead to a more peaceful existence and less suffering.
Do you see glimpses of who you were before the world got its hands on you? What are you now doing that seems like the true you? What is your gut saying to you? Become a student!
"When the student is truly ready....the teacher will disappear." My gut has been my greatest teacher so thankfully as long as I keep paying attention to her, she will never disappear. That shouldn't be a problem, she's pretty forceful with my insides and only backs off when I listen.
