My Abundance Factor

For those of us whose relationship with food is less than healthy we often suffer from what I think of as a "skewed abundance factor".  Over the past couple of months I've started to notice that I tend to eat every meal like food is leaving the planet.  The new tactic I'm trying (which I realize is not new to many WW members!) is making a smaller amount of food (because I always eat ALL that I make) and tell myself this is enough but I can have more if I'm still hungry.

I really noticed my skewed abundance factor when a month or so ago I ate all but 8 of my daily SP's by 1:30.  I was in a panic and shared it on our WW FB page.  I think it was Marg who reminded me how low in SP's shrimp is and I was able to come up with a huge honkin' 3 SP salad to fulfill my "abundance factor" needs.   My bowl was the lid from a cake carrier.  It suddenly dawned on me I never use it to cover a cake, it is always my salad bowl.  It holds enough salad for a family of 6 and I always eat the whole thing.  A perfect example of a skewed abundance factor: far more than needed to feel satisfied physically but the perfect amount needed to feel satisfied mentally.

This event gave me valuable insight about my idea of what constitutes a reasonable amount of food and lead me to conclude the following:

-Even zeros can be dangerous for me - Zero points does not mean all you-can-eat.

-I need parameters even for zero point veggies or my salad will always be the size of a cake carrier lid.

-I need to measure out 2 cups of veggies for my stir-fry or I eat 6 cups.

-I need to start with a reasonable amount.  If I get hungry that would be the time to eat more, not eat more to start with.

I now make my salad with about 2 or 3 cups of veggies, still large enough to be satisfied but not enough to feel stuffed.  Surprisingly the result has been feeling less panicky about where or when my next meal will be.  I almost feel like food is not leaving the planet.

Is your "abundance factor" skewed?  

Do you constantly think about your next meal?

Do you worry there will not be enough?

In this instance, what we need to know is:

there will be enough,

we have enough,

we are enough.

Blessed or Deprived?

Although I'm usually okay with not eating sweets because I know the havoc they wreak on my personal peace there are days when I really want an ice cream cone!  Especially when we've taken the dog to Sandbanks and we drive back home through Bloomfield where the Slickers Ice Cream store always has lined up out the door. It's easy to get a little "Oh woe is me" going on.

Some of you may be feeling the same way.  Being on WW doesn't mean that all your favourite high fat, high sugar foods are off the menu, but it does mean they are not on the menu every day and maybe not even every week.  And not being able to have them when ever we want can lead to feeling deprived.

The reason we feel deprived is because we have feelings about food.  Over our lives food has been woven into most of our events and since most events in our lives also bring about certain emotions it's easy to see how we've learned to attach emotion to our food instead of simply having food as fuel.

So once again we're looking at changing our minds.  I've said before that since I've given up sweets that I haven't lost any weight but that's because I have simply substituted high fat carbs for them.  But here's my change in thinking:  I don't feeling deprived (as much!) anymore, I choose to feel blessed because I haven't had a binge in over a year. And for me that is a record by a long shot.

Now because I am a sharer, I am going to share this here, and also if I don't do it here I will most likely blurt it out during a meeting!  This past week has been the most painful and stressful week of my life. My son Glenn's father past away very suddenly, while Glenn was in Greece.  The pain I have felt for my son is like no other I have ever experienced.  If ever there was a time to turn to sugar for comfort this is it, but I didn't.  Why?  For two reasons: I knew without a doubt if I started I would not stop and I knew without a doubt the sugar would not take the pain away.

My point in sharing this?  I want you to know that it is possible to get to a place where you can choose not to turn to junk food to ease your pain.  Even during this time I have chosen to feel blessed for many reasons.  I chose to feel blessed not because I am super enlightened and have all my crap together, I chose to feel blessed because it just feels better.  And that eases the pain.

My latest Try-A-Thon...breathing.

The inside of my head is one busy little piece of gray matter!  I know I'm a Chatty Cathy (1960's doll reference) on the outside but that's nothing compared to the chatter in my head.  And most of that chatter is useless and adds nothing but self-induced stress.  It has become one of my new Try-A-Thon's to quiet my mind, or at least cultivate a more peaceful one.

I tried meditating years ago and, in typical 25 year old Joanne fashion, decided to start with an hour and when I was incapable of lasting more than 5 minutes, I gave it up and added it to my list of failures. Now I don't worry about the length of time, which is a good thing because sometimes it's quite literally seconds, I just concentrate on being aware of my breath or when I'm walking I concentrate on how my body feels taking each step. If I feel my mind start to wander, I go to my happy place which is gratitude and I'm always happy to stay there for a while.  Quieting the chatter for a few minutes, or even seconds, several times a day can bring a calming effect to even the most hectic brain.

Because this journey of becoming our best selves is never ending and sometimes painful we must find a way to quiet all of the old stories and negative thoughts that are road blocks to our success.

Feeling stuck?  Try meditating.

 I suggest starting with way less than an hour!

It's not a deep fried gold fish!

At the beginning of the summer we talked about setting our summer goals and not just doing the hokey-pokey all summer long and I would say for all of us that has been a challenge.  I'm usually on plan until I get stressed and last week was very stressful (admittedly, most of it was created in my own head, see last weeks entry), and then I'd knock my own grandmother out the way to get to the carbs!

I did have a few highly starched meals but stayed away from the sugar which was a major accomplishment considering the 60th anniversary cake for my parents was not only covered in fondant the large foil tray it was on was draped with it for a folded satin effect...beautiful but deadly for a sugar addict!  I decided not to take any chances, the moment the cake had been served I cut all of excess away and threw it in the garbage....and then threw coffee grounds on top of it for good measure!  It was about the size of a volley ball so I was taking no chances.  My usual MO would have been to stash it way and then eat the whole thing once everyone had left.  So, even though the night before the party I got up at 1 am and threw up, I was able to work on my Try-A-Thon goal and somewhat change my response to the stress and calm myself down when I got back into bed.  Yes, I know that's a stretch but I'm going with it!

On Saturday my husband and I took 50 people on a bus to the New York State Fair Grounds to the Syracuse Nationals Vintage Car show....and the food vendors were every 10 feet!  Deep fried dough...really????   

This a picture of me and my lunch...a big honkin" turkey leg (not a deep fried gold fish as someone mentioned, haha).  My husband says pictures of me with large quantities of meat is starting to become a theme, meh, it could be worse.

To end off my week I was in Grimsby with relatives and out for yet another dinner.  My other-Mother always makes a delicious pie and usually even though I'm stuffed when we get back home after dinner I have to eat a couple of pieces of pie right away.  In fact I become obsessed with it until I do but this time was different.  Because dessert has been off of the menu for me I hardy gave the pie a thought except to think how great it felt not to be out of control and not be scarfing pie down which, of course,  ALWAYS lead to sneaking a dozen or so cookies right before bed.  A non-scale victory of huge proportions for me as this behaviour is about 45 years old!  Also, when I used to indulge in the pie and cookies, the next day I would always stop on my way home for a can of Pringles and a double chocolate bar, rationalizing that the next morning I would have to start my diet again and since I was already way off plan what harm would another little pig-out do?  We all know the answer to that question.  Today I thought about the chips and chocolate when I stopped for a stretch but it was relatively easy to say no and stick with a coffee. 

Before WW I would never have thought I could change my relationship with food to this degree.  I still overeat on occasion, or when I'm stressed, but they are slips, not slides, and surprisingly I'm okay with that, which now that I think of it is another non-scale victory.  I guess that means I'm developing my WWWWW's or .....Wonder Woman Weight Watcher Ways!

What Wonder Woman (or Man!) Weight Watcher Ways 

have you developed?  

I bet if you think about it you'd be surprised!

Sometimes you feel like a nut.

This week is nuts for me.  It's nuts because for some reason I'm a nut maker.  Work, and visitors, and my parents 60th wedding anniversary and more work and more visitors, all of which mean two of my favourite things....lots cooking and cleaning...neither of which I am good at or enjoy!

I have decided my WW Try-A-Thon efforts this month will be in the form of trying new ways of "dealing" with all the nuts I create.

This week I will:

1. Not worry that I cannot vacuum 15 minutes before guests arrive and the moment I put the vacuum away our dog and cat will start shedding.

2. Accept that neither I, nor my husband, are gardeners...our grass is cut and our grounds are at least on the low-end of acceptability for company.

3. Accept that the deck that I scrubbed and power washed on Sunday has muddy dog prints on it again.

4. Be content the plans I have laid out for this week will happen...or not.

5. Be very grateful my family is coming together to celebrate Mom and Dad's 60th years together.

6. Work on being full of joy instead of full of self-induced nuts.

Today, I will bury my "nuts" and do some good....

and house work.

Once a Weight Watcher, always a Weight Watcher.

Because I'm a leader I don't often see the LT's that come in once a month for their weigh in but yesterday I was filling in as receptionist and got to catch up with E. who said I could share her story. I'm not often floored but she got me.

E. has been at goal for many years and has always seemed to me to be one of the lucky ones who "gets it" meaning gets what it takes to stay at goal.  She looked fabulous, as always, happy and friendly, as always.  And then I asked her how she's been and she said, "Well, 3 months ago I found out I had cancer and had a mastectomy, but it all went well and I feel great."  That news was upsetting, as it always is when you hear that someone has had cancer and we chatted about her experience.  E. mentioned that her weight had started to drop for seemingly no reason.  At first it was great, (once a Weight Watcher, always a Weight Watcher, right?) but she also knew something was wrong.

This is the part that floored me. After catching up it was time for weigh in and E. was suddenly anxious about getting on the scale and very seriously said, "Oh, I hope I haven't gained.".  And I, very unprofessionally, blurted out, "Gained?  Are you serious?  You just had mastectomy 2 months ago! Are you telling me that after having cancer you are still worried about whether or not your weight went up???"  Yup, floored.

And then we started laughing and agreed...once a Weight Watcher, always a Weight Watcher, even in the wake of cancer! We usually think that life threatening experiences forever change how we view everything else in our lives but E.'s story reminds us how deeply rooted our fear of the scale can be.

I want to thank E. for not only allowing me to share her story, but encouraging me to do so. As she continues her journey to live Beyond the Scale, I hope you find the strength to do so as well.  It's time, don't you think?

"Hello, my name is Joanne and I'm an addict." are words I have spoken.

Yes, it's true, I have not lost any more weight since I quit eating sugar.  And I can just hear some, if not all, of your thoughts right now:  So why stop?  In fact my husband and I had that same conversation while we were on holidays in January.  At the time I wasn't sure why I didn't want to just "treat" myself but I didn't.  Then I remembered why.

I am a sugar addict.  And I don't need a scientific study to tell me sugar is addictive or not addictive. I know the definition of addiction: "a strong and harmful need to regularly have something" and  I lived it for about 30 years.

So. let's see.

1 Tolerance - I don't remember, who remembers their first taste of sugar?  First birthday? All I do know is my Mom is a sugar addict and she still to this day puts sugar on her cucumbers and tomatoes.

2. Obsession  - Confession time. I grew up in a general store, the old fashioned ones with the house and store as one.  I recall at 12-13 years old sneaking down stairs in the middle of the night and going into the store to get a 12 pack of butter tarts.  Since that was too hard on my conscience I took up baking.  My Mom was thrilled.  To this day I cannot bake without getting very anxious.

3. Increase intake -  Once I started baking there was no limit. My parents only allowed my brother and I to have one .25 treat a week from the store but we were allowed to eat as much "food" as we wanted.  This is also when my eating disorder of binging and starving started.  It would last for about 12 years until I got pregnant and I went into Mother-mode.

4. Loss of control - Even though I was out of control while living at home it was when I went away to school at 18 that I really sunk into the addiction.  I had my own apartment and would often hole up for an entire weekend eating only candy and cans of Betty Crocker icing.  I would eat until I was literally throwing up.  And let's not forget all the times I would  throw something out and then dig it back out of the garbage.  Fortunately it was only our of my own garbage.

5. Abuse despite harm -  I knew I had a problem, At 16 I told my Mom and doctor and showed them an article about eating disorders.  The doctor told me it was nothing and my Mom was relieved. Still at 20 years old I had read enough to know I was harming my body but was powerless to stop.

7. Withdrawal symptoms - If any of you has ever tried to stop sugar you know how hard it is.  One time I could not get off of the couch for 3 days as the headaches, shakes, nausea, aches and pains were so bad.  But to be fair, that was after coming off of a 3 or 4 month stint of a steady diet of mostly candy.  

I don't know if you can relate to any part of my experience but here is what I know for sure. This past year I have conducted my own experiment:  I feel great and in control when I don't eat sugar and like crap and out of control when I do.  Pretty simple.

So, where am with my addiction today?  I continue to say I'm an addict because I still have mini relapses that remind me.  I try to cut out all sugar but admit to occasionally having a bite or two of my husbands ice cream cone.  Since 76% of packaged food has added sugar it's really hard to avoid it altogether but I try.

I would be remiss if I didn't post the known harmful effects of sugar on our bodies. These are in addition to, of course, the mental roller coaster ride caused by daily sugar consumption while trying to lose weight.  You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you?

Now if all of the above don't make you take a pause and re-think sugar, let's go back to the role sugar plays in your life.  Do experience any or all of the signs of addiction?  Are you saying yes but still believe you can "handle it"?  Are you able to abstain from sugar for a day or two, maybe a week but then hit it hard like it's the last time you'll ever have it because it's leaving the planet?  Are you sick and tired of your weight loss being hijacked by little white crystals? Maybe it's time to make a change.  I promise you life without sugar is still worth living!  

Oh, and the reason I did not lose more weight 

when I cut out the sugar....they're called chips.

Let your vanity help you lose weight!

We all know that sugar, salt and trans fats are bad for our health yet we ignore the staggering scientific facts and continue to eat them regularly.  We also know they're a huge hindrance to losing and maintaining weight yet we insist on working them into our daily and weekly plans because we have "the points" for them!

This week I'm going to appeal to your sense of vanity, a quality I possess, and in this instance, has served me well over the years.

Sugar and trans fats cause inflammation which produce enzymes that break down collagen and elastin, resulting in sagging skin and wrinkles. Plus eating sugar can cause insulin resistance which can manifest as excessive hair growth and dark patches on the skin.  That's nice.


That could be you.  Sodium decrease the amount of water intake of your internal organs and when they are thirsty and dehydrated they steal the water out of your skin. Check the amount of processed food sneaking into your diet as it tends to be very high in salt AND sugar.



This one is the main reason I skip sugar, it causes hot flashes which make sleeping almost impossible and lack of sleep also ages your skin. Sadly artificial sugar mimics sugar in more ways than one. Bam, triple whammy!

And for all you young people just remember,

what you do in your 20's, 30's and 40's comes back 

to bite you in the ass during your 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's!  

Old habits die hard.

A mass shooting in Orlando, an alligator drags toddler into the water at Disney resort, a 16 year old Stirling boy still suffers from traumatic brain injury from horrific car accident, my friend Donna is still dead, my friend Sylvia is thrilled her chemo may buy her another year of life and I continue to be obsessed with losing 6 pounds.  WTF?

Why does it take something sad happening in the world before I give myself a slap upside the head and vow to stop hating my wobbly bits and concentrate on loving what's important?  Why can't I live my life knowing that my wobbly bits are just bits and not me?  Why can I not be grateful for my wobbly bits all of the time instead of just for fleeting moments when the true reality of life jars me into doing so?

Why?  Because such is the strength of habit.  It has been my habit to be negative about myself for as long as I can remember.  I will only say this about how this habit developed: praise the children in your life, acknowledge their accomplishments, let them know how capable they really are and don't make them spend their lives trying to earn your approval.

We develop habits out of need, some serve us well, others hold us back but either way they help make us who we are and we need to peel away those that no longer serves us.  When it comes to peeling away the habit of negative thought it's tricky, after all, that's where we live.  Trying to banish negative thoughts doesn't seem to work because that action comes from a place of resistance and what we resists persists.  In other words getting pissed off about our negative thoughts just gives them more power!

I love this approach. By concentrating on releasing the negative thought by acknowledging that we know longer need it sets up a new healthy self-loving habit.  So the next time you have a negative thought about your body repeat the following, "I release the need for this in my life".   

And then say thank you to your wobbly bits for 

unlike bad habits, they have served you well.

"I can't believe I have to watch everything I eat for the next 25 years"! A real statement by a very successful LT member.

This weeks blog could also be called "Even LT members get the blues!"  Last week while weighing in this slightly over goal LT member she startled me with a very emotional "I can't believe I have to watch everything I eat for the next 25 years"!  What startled me was not the statement but the emotion behind it.  This member has always seemed to take the process in stride and with optimism, but in truth even LT's get the blues.  My heart ached for her, I knew exactly how she felt.

We often talk/laugh about the true meaning of Lifetime...it means it's for LIFE and it NEVER ends! Can you remember when that realization hit you?  Or has it not hit you yet?  It never ends.

But just because we know and accept that it never ends doesn't mean we are free from feeling the occasional weight of it all on our shoulders. It happens and because it happens we have no choice but to accept it and then figure out what to do about it.  

I've been all of those!  How about you? I think the hardest thing for me was accepting that what once got me to goal and helped me maintain that goal didn't work for me anymore.  I continued to do the same things that got me to goal, being ever so optimistic that they would work again.....they did not! So I finally became a realist and adjusted my sails.  And for me adjusting my sails meant not only adjusting my daily target but also adjusting my daily thoughts.  I will say adjusting ones thoughts may just be the most important step.

There comes a time when we all need to adjust our sails, no matter where we are on our weight loss journey.  Did you once have wonderful success on the Plan and now it doesn't seem to be working? Are you stalled but keep optimistically doing what you've been doing all along waiting for it to start working again?  Are you the pessimist who complains that the Plan does not work?  Are you working only part of the Plan but expecting to get full Plan results?  Are you an LT member who is beyond frustrated that you have to watch everything you eat for the next 25 years?  

Don't give up, 

just adjust your sails so you can continue to

move toward your goal, or back to goal.