"I walked in hating myself and never addressed that. I just white knuckled it."
That is part of the comment B. left on our WW FB page after reading my last blog. I broke down in tears when I read her pain. In the past weeks her words "I just white knuckled it." have stuck with me, in fact I have used the example of "white knucking" it in my workshops because I know so many of us do exactly that.
With some people it starts right off the get-go because their self loathing is so great they perceive any small weight gain as proof of their unworthiness. Others start off with a burst of believing they can do it but that belief is tied to their idea of what success looks like and the moment they don't measure up to that idea that fragile belief is shattered, fear sets in and they force themselves into white knuckling mode. But as we have all no doubt found out white knuckling is not sustainable so we let go and it's then we realize we've not developed the new habits and thoughts which will help us navigate through life's situations. We slide back into old habits, and even older thoughts, this time desperately clawing and grasping to any thing and any idea to prevent more weight from coming back on. I know this from years of experience, and it is exhausting both mentally and physically. Not to mention, it doesn't work.
Oh, my wonderful, and often hurting, Tribe members, life is not meant to be white knuckled! But when our motivation to change is only self-hatred I think white knuckling is inevitable because like B. we don't want to address it, we just want to change. I looked up the origin of the term and noticed another term, "White Knuckle Sobriety"...."the practice of desperately holding on to sobriety without working a recovery program....by trying to hang on to sobriety without working toward recovery, they are attempting to treat the symptoms rather than the disease." Sound about right to you?
So what to do? When I think of the years and years of effort I've put into trying to fix myself and I still feel unworthy in many ways it makes me so sad to have wasted so much time. And I wonder what would have happened if I had spent that time cultivating self love? But the reality is that I did what I did and there is no going back and changing it but, good news, every day we wake up is an opportunity to not make that same mistake because "when you know better, do better." Every day gives us the opportunity to do better by loving ourselves better.
I know many of you have no idea where to start and the thought of releasing the tension on your knuckles fills you with fear, I know the feeling well! But fear and self hatred are just practices, but you don't think of them that way because you've been doing them for so long they are your way of life. But we weren't born full of fear and self-hatred, we picked them up in bits and pieces at a very young age and soon that's who we took ourselves to be. Time to change our story.
How? We're going to start releasing that tension on our knuckles by picking up bits and pieces of self-love and joy! And, more good news, you're already doing it every time you:
-notice a feeling of self-hatred
-choose to read or watch uplifting messages
- empathize with the pain in others
-choose to do what is right for you regardless of what others think
-desire to live your life in a different head space
-voice your thoughts to others or write them down
-show a kindness to another
-make a conscious effort to live in gratitude
-make the choice to eat a healthy meal
-go for a walk or dance in your living room
-give your attention to what you want instead of what you don't want
-give yourself permission to feel good
-choose to believe when others tell you how wonderful and fabulous you are
-choose not to believe when others, or the voices in your head, tell you that you're not wonderful and fabulous
-join a community of like-minded seekers
And, even more good news: we don't have to white knuckle it to shed the fear and self-hatred, it will begin to fall away on it's own as we shift our attention to picking up those bits and pieces of love and joy! And I know it works because I am experiencing it in my own life in a huge way and you can too!! Love and joy is there for everyone, you just have to start letting go so you can pick them up! Yay you!
So what to do? When I think of the years and years of effort I've put into trying to fix myself and I still feel unworthy in many ways it makes me so sad to have wasted so much time. And I wonder what would have happened if I had spent that time cultivating self love? But the reality is that I did what I did and there is no going back and changing it but, good news, every day we wake up is an opportunity to not make that same mistake because "when you know better, do better." Every day gives us the opportunity to do better by loving ourselves better.
I know many of you have no idea where to start and the thought of releasing the tension on your knuckles fills you with fear, I know the feeling well! But fear and self hatred are just practices, but you don't think of them that way because you've been doing them for so long they are your way of life. But we weren't born full of fear and self-hatred, we picked them up in bits and pieces at a very young age and soon that's who we took ourselves to be. Time to change our story.
How? We're going to start releasing that tension on our knuckles by picking up bits and pieces of self-love and joy! And, more good news, you're already doing it every time you:
-notice a feeling of self-hatred
-choose to read or watch uplifting messages
- empathize with the pain in others
-choose to do what is right for you regardless of what others think
-desire to live your life in a different head space
-voice your thoughts to others or write them down
-show a kindness to another
-make a conscious effort to live in gratitude
-make the choice to eat a healthy meal
-go for a walk or dance in your living room
-give your attention to what you want instead of what you don't want
-give yourself permission to feel good
-choose to believe when others tell you how wonderful and fabulous you are
-choose not to believe when others, or the voices in your head, tell you that you're not wonderful and fabulous
-join a community of like-minded seekers
And, even more good news: we don't have to white knuckle it to shed the fear and self-hatred, it will begin to fall away on it's own as we shift our attention to picking up those bits and pieces of love and joy! And I know it works because I am experiencing it in my own life in a huge way and you can too!! Love and joy is there for everyone, you just have to start letting go so you can pick them up! Yay you!
