Being human is hard.

I know we have species advancing traits like free will, opposable thumbs…etc, etc… but we also have the innate ability to make ourselves suffer.

Last week I wrote about embracing what is but I think that was perhaps putting the cart before the horse; how can we embrace what is, if we can’t let go of what was?  Are we also hanging on to the idea of what we thought our lives would look like?  At every stage in our lives we develop a picture of what we want our lives to look like; sometimes it doesn’t happen, sometimes it happens and sometimes it happens, then it changes. Either way, if we don’t let go, not only do we suffer right now, but it makes it hard, if not impossible, to embrace what comes next.  And once again, we can get stuck.

For perhaps the first time, I can see the gift in the losses I’ve suffered because I’ve been forced to finally let go in order to embrace what could be.  I was able to let go of what I thought my future was going to look like.  I was able to let go of what I wanted my relationship with my Dad to look like. And, I let go of what I thought my WW journey was going to look like.  I realize now it was only when I let go, that I was able to move forward and embrace what is.

 

Letting go of what we had is not easy, especially if it was what we’d always wanted.  Letting go of a dream is not easy because we have to accept it will never be part of our story.  Letting go of the carefully thought out plans for the next chapters in our story is not easy because those plans made us feel secure. Letting go is scary because we can feel rudderless.  I think a lot of us feel adrift right now because the ever changing events in our world don’t’ allow us to feel confident to create our next chapter.  We used to be able to be specific in the details of our story; now we’re afraid to be specific in case we lose that too.

So, how do we let go of what isn’t so we can embrace what is?  We accept, we focus, and we build, on what we do have right now, in this very moment.  Doing that gave me back the feeling of being safe again and I no longer feel rudderless.  I now know happiness can be found in a different future and I’m now better able to be to new embrace what is.

 I love The Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”  It was instrumental in my personal healing because for so long I did not accept what I couldn’t change and that caused me so much self-inflicted suffering and kept me stuck.  I thought my unwavering courage and persistence could change anything; that too caused me unnecessary suffering.  Letting go set me free.

What are you hanging on to that is causing you to suffer? Preventing you from moving forward? Keeping you from enjoying every beautiful possibility still available to you?  Your life is your story, and only you can re-write it. 

I love this Pema Chodron quote: “The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.”  Let go of the past, it’s had it’s moment.