When it comes to weight loss, and life in general, we are all have a pre-existing condition.
We're always told to check with your doctor before starting any new health regiment to see if any pre-existing conditions need to be taken into account such as diabetes, heart conditions, high blood pressure, pregnancy etc. It dawned on me the other day we're never asked about the stories we carrying around inside of us. The stories that will have as much effect on our life (weight loss journey) as any physical condition; they are a pre-existing condition. Because who we think we are and what we believe about ourselves affects everything we do in life including why we eat and how we eat.
We need to take these stories into account because much of the relationship we now have with food was shaped by them. The pain we feel that causes us to reach for food for comfort is directly related to what we believe about ourselves and that belief for many of us was created a long time ago.
What do you believe about yourself? I was struck by the heartfelt sharing by a member a few weeks back. She was in pain about cruel remarks made by a co-worker about her weight, remarks that made her feel unworthy and even incapable of doing her job. It dawned on me that her pain was caused not only by what her co-worker said but because she BELIEVED what her co-worker said was TRUE! And she believed it because of the story of who she believes herself to be.
My pre-existing condition (story) is one of fear. I've mentioned before my feelings of unworthiness and being less than enough. I was/am always afraid I won't measure up, afraid that I'm not capable. And these past two years have made me afraid I'm the reason I am alone and that I will always be alone.* These are the thoughts I believe, and if I believe them, then they must be true. Right???
Wrong! As humans we start developing ideas (our stories) of who we are from the moment we're capable of cognitive thought. These ideas are then validated or refuted by the adults in our lives. And that is when our story about who we are can shift in one of two directions. If we are validated and nourished then our story becomes one of personal strength, growth and infinite possibility, so the world is ours. But if our tiny spirits are ignored, dampened and invalidated then our story becomes one of never measuring up, never feeling capable and diminished possibility, so the world is beyond us. This is not to blame the adults in our lives but to help us understand how our stories were shaped. Most of them simply passed on the stories they believed to be true about themselves. We all come from a long line of stories.
So, how do we change our story? How do we change deep seeded beliefs about ourselves? First we notice the thought and then by asking one simple question: is that true? I've used this question** many times over the past 2 years. Every time I believed the thought I couldn't do something because I was afraid, not capable or strong enough I'd ask myself, "is that true?" And the answer was usually no, it was not true. I was/am strong and capable and quite fearless at times! But if the answer was true, that I was not strong enough or capable to handle something, I WAS smart enough, and strong enough, to ask for help.
To change our story we need to believe the facts, not the thoughts. So when your long standing story leads you to:
-believe you are not capable of not eating your way through a stressful situation; is that true?
-believe the cruel remarks of others because you're not worthy so they must be right; is that true?
-believe you are lazy and not capable of achieving anything; is that true?
-believe you don't deserve to be happy and live in joy; is that true?
-believe you are afraid of everything; is that true?
-believe you are not smart enough so your opinion is not valid; is that true?
-believe no one would ever love you if they really knew you; is that true?
-believe your happiness does not matter; is that true?
How will we know if a new belief is true? There are no mistakes in nature, you are not a mistake. We were all born with the ability for grace, joy and potential. If a new belief opens the door to a moment of grace, allows you to get a glimmer of joy or a fleeting feeling of your own potential, then it is true. If you keep thinking the old belief is true that means it's really dug it's heels in and may need a crowbar to pry it loose. The question is the crowbar, keep asking it!
Everybody has got a story and here's the great thing about our story, it's ours!! And we are the author. Brene Brown said in her book "Rising Strong" and I'm para-phrasing, "We can either be a character in our life story, or we can be the author." Be the author.
You can stop living the story someone else wrote for you and write your own story. A story where who you are right now is deserving of love, joy, happiness, success and endless possibility! Is that true? If you believe it to be true, then it will be true. And that is a fact.
May we all realize we are the adult in someone's life and it is in our power to help shape, or reshape, someone else's story. So let's validate, nourish, accept and cherish each other.
*I put this line in, then took it out, then put it back in again, because I realized it was not true.
**Byron Katie, "Loving What Is."( **one of Bryon Katie's 4 questions, google it)
