It amazes me how quickly, and so
easily, I head off to Wonderland. My
therapist Paula used to marvel at my ability to project multi-layered, and
totally unsupported, scenarios onto even the simplest of events, like someone
not calling or texting me back. I immediately
ask my brain to send me all of the things I could have possibly done wrong and,
of course, my brain does what it’s told and sends me endless
possibilities…..and down the rabbit hole I go. The problem isn’t that reality
doesn’t exist there, the problem is I react as if it does. The sad thing is I
cause myself so much suffering by reacting to my thoughts: projections of what I
imagine could be, might happen and possible outcomes.
In WW we work on changing
unhelpful thoughts and habits and this week we’re starting a new six-part
series, “What happens in your body…” and week 1 is ….”when you build a new
habit.” Perfect timing. The second Fast
Fact for this weeks’ topic is: “Each time we repeat an action, our brain cells
associated with that activity or thought become more connected, making it more
likely that we will do it again.”. Okay,
so years and years of living in my emotional reality instead of logical reality
has firmly cemented my pathway to the nearest rabbit hole. Nice. The goal then for me is to change my
habit of projecting and jumping to conclusions by forming a new pathway in my
thought process when dealing with the actions, or inactions, of other people.
1.Think big-picture: identify
long term goal. My long-term goal is stop causing myself unnecessary suffering
with my self-talk and to live in a peaceful, non-gut-wrenching state.
2. Pinpoint an old path: immediately assuming responsibility for why
someone does, or does not, do something is a direct path to a rabbit hole
3. Choose new path: recognize that my thoughts are not always
based on fact and understand people do the things they do for many different
reasons.
4. Make a plan: when the negative
self-talk starts I can choose a new thought pathway, one that does not contain
rabbit holes. How? By taking a moment to
pause and remind myself that if I constantly make decisions that have nothing
to do with other people, doesn’t it stand to reason, other people do the same?
I am not responsible for the actions of others.
There are many reasons we might
want to build a new habit but I think for most of us the desire to change comes
from wanting to end some sort of suffering and that can be a very powerful
motivator. For me the desire to build a new way to deal with what does, or does
not happen, in my personal life, has become my primary focus because I know the
positive ripple effect it will have on everything else in my life will be huge! The thought of releasing myself from
something I’ve never had control over (the actions of others) but took responsibility
for, is exciting and freeing. Imagine
the space that will free up in my brain!
What habits of yours walk you
away from your long-term goals? What is
one small, or not so small, path you could choose to take that would walk you
towards that goal? What kind of
suffering motivates you to want to change?
How might your life be better with healthier habits? What are you
waiting for…if not now, when?
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