“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”

Fight or flight: the instinctive physiological response to a threatening situation, which readies one either to resist forcibly or to run away. Psychologist Carl Jung contended that “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”  Does that then mean if we are not fighting and/or running away from a bear we must face our fear or it will just get bigger?

When I knew I had to sell my house and move to Cobourg I didn’t have any gut-wrenching fear because I had come to believe it was no longer in my best interest to live there.  That was another one of my tasks while in therapy: whenever I felt myself in a situation that made my gut clench I was to ask myself “is this in my best interest?”  I’ve come to accept that even if my head has another opinion, listening to my gut is what leads me to peace, which is my ultimate goal. Looking back, many of the wrong turns I took in my life came from not listening to my gut. That is not say wonderful and valuable life lessons and experiences did not come from making those decisions, it is to say however, those decisions lead me away from what was in the best interest of my goal.  My biggest fear these days is losing the me I’ve finally found because this me is not firmly rooted yet so I feel like she could disappear at any moment.  This is causing my gut and my brain to duke it out, which makes for stressful days and sleepless nights.  I sometimes feel like my brain makes the decisions and my gut pays the price.  A new, and kindred-spirit, friend assures me that I’m not in danger of losing myself this time because this time I’m not the person I was and to trust the solid foundation I’ve built because for the first time it is truly mine.  If that’s true, does that mean my gut is reacting to a future my brain has projected as a possible outcome based on the fear of repeating the past? Is this fear real or habitual? In this instance I guess it doesn’t matter, what matters, as we’ve been discussing this week, “our bodies have trouble differentiating these troubling thoughts from an actual threat (a bear coming at you in the woods!), our stress response kicks in.”  The next part will tick you off:

Fast Facts 1 & 2 from this week:

1. Stress hormones can increase our appetite, especially for foods higher in fat and sugar.

2. High levels of stress hormones, like cortisol, can lead our bodies to store more body fat, especially around our abdomens.

Well, isn’t that nice to know?  Once again what we think and what we believe have a huge impact not only on the quality of our life, but our efforts to lose weight.  And once again, what can we do?  Fast Fact 3. Studies show that practicing mindfulness regularly can help “quiet” the part of our brain that activates our stress response.  The 5-4-3-2-1 technique in the weekly is a great way mindful breathing practice. 

Most days I need to not only quiet my monkey mind but give it something different to focus on. I have an extensive mental library of questionable thoughts that require debunking so I often use Byron Katie’s 4 questions from her book, “Loving What Is”.  It’s a simple exercise but I find it very effective, even for the annoyingly relentless, and utterly childish “nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go to the garden and eat worms” thought. It’s childish because I was 5 or 6 years old and running away from home with just an arm full of socks and underwear….to my Aunt’s house, who lived next door.  But it is also how many people feel so a good example to demonstrate how the exercise might go.  To be clear, I truly don’t believe I’m unlovable but some days the 5 year old demands, and deserves, some attention.

Question 1: Is it true?  Answer: Yes, nobody loves me.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know it's true?  Answer: Well, I guess some people love me, like my family and friends.

Question 3: How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?  Answer:  When I believe I’m unlovable it causes me to suffer unnecessarily. I don’t sleep well, I eat more, my gut hurts and potato chips find their way into my grocery cart. Ultimately it interferes with my goal of living a peaceful existence. 

Question 4: Who would you be without the thought?  Answer:  This one can be difficult because we’ve had so many negative thoughts over the course of our lives that it never occurs to us to question them. The harder this one is to answer, the more it needs answering.  If I did not believe the thought I am unlovable I would not be so easily hurt by the actions of others.  The need to please would not rule my existence.  Fear of failure would not keep me from trying new things.  Feelings of happiness, joy and peacefulness would have a chance to grow.

Most of us are lucky we don’t actually have to fight, or take flight, but that doesn’t mean we don’t give our bodies reason to believe we do. If you’re in a constant state of inner turmoil you are in a constant state of stress causing a constant stream of stress hormones to be released.  What is chasing you? What are you resisting? What stressful situations are you growing in yourself by believing old thoughts?  Find ways to quiet your mind, challenge your negative thoughts and question your fears.  Why not, unless they’ve saved you from a bear, how have they helped or hindered your life? Change never happens overnight but even the smallest movement forward can bring you peace.