Once while I was out walking, in my fun state of what could be possible, I found myself feeling courageous and brave. I felt it so deeply that as I was striding along I blurted out, thankfully just in my head, "Today it is possible that I will bare my arms in public!"...and ZAP...all my new-found feelings of courage and bravery immediately slunk back into the shadows. So I said it again, and again, and until I was tired of myself and took off my hoodie and slung it over my shoulders. Whew, I was actually walking out in public, arms bared for all to see and much to my surprise I did not die, I survived.
Today I was out walking and I met 2 older men walking along the boardwalk, one about 80 and the other one 90. We exchanged good mornings and the 90 year old asked me how I was and I asked in return how they were and he looked at me, smiled and said, "We are surviving." As continued my walk I realized that's exactly how I feel, I am surviving and although sometimes just surviving is us doing our very best, I don't want to live my life in survival mode anymore. I want to thrive! As we grow up we're taught by the adults in our lives the basic skills needed to survive but how many of us were taught how to thrive? Most of who we are emotionally was planted by someone else and, for better or worse, people plant what they know. Now it's up to us to decide if we want to thrive or merely survive.
"When you hold on to your history, you do so at the expense of your future."
Bishop T.D. Jakes
In order for us to thrive we have to let go of the past and the negative emotions we've attached to it. I've been in therapy for these past two years and one of the most valuable lessons I've learned was that by trying NOT to feel my feelings of fear, sadness and unworthiness I was actually giving them more power. So much power that they filled my entire being, leaving no room for hope, joy or self-love. My therapist asked me to try letting the feelings surface, allow myself to feel them and just observe, and much to my surprise I observed that I did not die, I survived! And another surprise? As I brought them into the light, bit by bit, they started to melt away and lose their power.
Today I was out walking and I met 2 older men walking along the boardwalk, one about 80 and the other one 90. We exchanged good mornings and the 90 year old asked me how I was and I asked in return how they were and he looked at me, smiled and said, "We are surviving." As continued my walk I realized that's exactly how I feel, I am surviving and although sometimes just surviving is us doing our very best, I don't want to live my life in survival mode anymore. I want to thrive! As we grow up we're taught by the adults in our lives the basic skills needed to survive but how many of us were taught how to thrive? Most of who we are emotionally was planted by someone else and, for better or worse, people plant what they know. Now it's up to us to decide if we want to thrive or merely survive.
"When you hold on to your history, you do so at the expense of your future."
Bishop T.D. Jakes
In order for us to thrive we have to let go of the past and the negative emotions we've attached to it. I've been in therapy for these past two years and one of the most valuable lessons I've learned was that by trying NOT to feel my feelings of fear, sadness and unworthiness I was actually giving them more power. So much power that they filled my entire being, leaving no room for hope, joy or self-love. My therapist asked me to try letting the feelings surface, allow myself to feel them and just observe, and much to my surprise I observed that I did not die, I survived! And another surprise? As I brought them into the light, bit by bit, they started to melt away and lose their power.
Now I have room for gratitude, hope, joy, acceptance and self-love. I don't think we ever get rid of all of our negative emotions because they're part of the fabric of who we are. But now when the old emotions come up I have cultivated powerful new ones to help soothe them away. I am gratefully and joyfully planting the seeds of possibility for my future and they are thriving! Most days. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment