Being human is hard.

I know we have species advancing traits like free will, opposable thumbs…etc, etc… but we also have the innate ability to make ourselves suffer.

Last week I wrote about embracing what is but I think that was perhaps putting the cart before the horse; how can we embrace what is, if we can’t let go of what was?  Are we also hanging on to the idea of what we thought our lives would look like?  At every stage in our lives we develop a picture of what we want our lives to look like; sometimes it doesn’t happen, sometimes it happens and sometimes it happens, then it changes. Either way, if we don’t let go, not only do we suffer right now, but it makes it hard, if not impossible, to embrace what comes next.  And once again, we can get stuck.

For perhaps the first time, I can see the gift in the losses I’ve suffered because I’ve been forced to finally let go in order to embrace what could be.  I was able to let go of what I thought my future was going to look like.  I was able to let go of what I wanted my relationship with my Dad to look like. And, I let go of what I thought my WW journey was going to look like.  I realize now it was only when I let go, that I was able to move forward and embrace what is.

 

Letting go of what we had is not easy, especially if it was what we’d always wanted.  Letting go of a dream is not easy because we have to accept it will never be part of our story.  Letting go of the carefully thought out plans for the next chapters in our story is not easy because those plans made us feel secure. Letting go is scary because we can feel rudderless.  I think a lot of us feel adrift right now because the ever changing events in our world don’t’ allow us to feel confident to create our next chapter.  We used to be able to be specific in the details of our story; now we’re afraid to be specific in case we lose that too.

So, how do we let go of what isn’t so we can embrace what is?  We accept, we focus, and we build, on what we do have right now, in this very moment.  Doing that gave me back the feeling of being safe again and I no longer feel rudderless.  I now know happiness can be found in a different future and I’m now better able to be to new embrace what is.

 I love The Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”  It was instrumental in my personal healing because for so long I did not accept what I couldn’t change and that caused me so much self-inflicted suffering and kept me stuck.  I thought my unwavering courage and persistence could change anything; that too caused me unnecessary suffering.  Letting go set me free.

What are you hanging on to that is causing you to suffer? Preventing you from moving forward? Keeping you from enjoying every beautiful possibility still available to you?  Your life is your story, and only you can re-write it. 

I love this Pema Chodron quote: “The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.”  Let go of the past, it’s had it’s moment. 

“Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it.” Eckhart Tolle

“Embrace: to accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically”. If ever we WW members needed to embrace what it takes to have success in our personal goals, it is now.  Believe me, I understand it’s not easy, but I also understand it’s necessary.  While it is true WW is a plan that involves portion control, tracking and mindset, for me, it has always been about connecting with my community, my people, my tribe; the people who get me.  And as long as I regularly connect with my people, I find it easier to keep my portion control, tracking and mindset in alignment with my goals.  When I lose connection with my people, I also tend to lose my focus and fall back into old habits. 

I know you want to get back into our studios.  I know many of you are not tech savvy or not into Zoom.  I know many of you spend a lot of your working day on Zoom so the last thing you want to do is another Zoom meeting. I know many of you find the initial curiosity you had for Zoom waning so you might feel like you’re not getting what you need.  I get it, at one point or another I’ve felt exactly the same.  We are all so very over the COVID-19 lifestyle!

I talk to a lot of people each week and I hear a lot of stories. Most of these stories fall into one of two categories: those who are willing to embrace what they need to do to be successful in their WW plan during the pandemic and those who are waiting until it’s over.  I don’t judge, I really don’t, I know everyone is just doing the best they can these days and embracing what is can be challenging. However, I do believe when we embrace what we need to do we are graced with the power acceptance brings! I believe it because I’m living it and receiving that grace.  I believe it because I see it, and hear it, every time I connect with workshop members; those who embrace the virtual workshops are getting the support they need and are finding success.  The support is there, it may arrive in a different package and it may feel different but the possibility is the same, you just have to “embrace it as if you had chosen it”.  Their willingness to embrace “whatever the present moment contains” energizes their resolve to continue to live their best life no matter the circumstances.

I really do get it.  Do you know how hard it is for me to stay in my chair while coaching?  Haha, it’s so hard and I miss being in the same room with everyone!  I want to be looking at you all from the front of our studio, soaking in the collective energy so I can reflect it back to your magnificent faces!  And someday that will happen again, but not today, not this week, not this month.  So, for now, and in whatever way that looks to for you, let’s accept what is and embrace it. We are in this together and we will move through it together.

“You can’t argue with what is, well you can, but if you do, you suffer” Eckhart Tolle

Optimism is a magnet…..

Optimism is a magnet…..but, alas, so is pessimism.  We get back what we put out there.

But being optimistic is more than stating everything will be okay, that’s just the beginning, genuine optimism is feeling and believing everything will be okay.  And that’s where we often get stuck.  How do we FEEL optimistic when what we are FEELING is sad, depressed, afraid and uncertain? The list of negative feelings swirling around in our bodies these days is endless so we have to intentionally choosing to FEEL optimistic.  Great, how do we do that?

Wayne Dyer said “What is hope but a feeling of optimism, a thought that says things will improve, it won’t always be bleak, there’s a way to rise above the present circumstances. Hope is an internal awareness that you do not have to suffer forever, and that somehow, somewhere there is a remedy for despair that you will come upon if you can only maintain this expectancy in your heart.” 

Right now many of us are grappling with the realization that things might never be the same.  Most of us have experienced events that may have altered our lives: loss of a loved one, a job or a marriage.  And while these losses are may forever change our lives, these losses fall within our scope of what is normal, so eventually we can be hopeful again.  The pandemic most certainly does not fall within our scope of what is normal so we have no reference point of hope, of optimism.  So that leaves us with connecting to one we know.

The dissolution of my marriage was the dissolution of my world and the idea of what I thought my future was going to look like.  During the past few years, I’ve felt sad, depressed, afraid and uncertain but I’ve also felt hope and possibility. I had hope that one day I would be okay, and life would be okay because I had a reference point of hope: people getting divorced fell within my scope of what is normal.  So I made choices and set my intention: I decided to look at my life differently and to feel differently.  I practiced gratitude like it was the only way to get air into my lungs.  I clung to possibility as if it was my only ticket out of misery.  I believed optimism was a magnet and witnessed my life get better and better.

So when I think about coping now, I think why not apply the same principals?  Wayne Dyer said, “Your intention creates your reality.”  Definition: Intention is an idea that you plan to carry out. Your goal (your idea) is your intention.  I think it’s safe to generalize and say that at this time all of us want to feel optimistic and hopeful and I’m the same.  I’ve set my intentions: I choose to look at this time in my life differently.  I choose to believe that even though things are, and may continue to be, different I will not only be okay but I will continue to thrive, grow and feel joy.  I choose to look at this time and see not it as the loss of how we are but the possibility of how we could be.  And most importantly, I choose to embrace life as it is right now with gratitude because no matter what has happened in my life, my reference points for gratitude remain the same.  And for me, gratitude ALWAYS leads me to optimism and that’s when the magnet kicks in.

Optimism or pessimism?  You still get to choose, that has not been taken away from you. Ask yourself how you want to feel?  Hopeful? Optimistic? Safe?  What were your reference points to feel that way in the past? 

Set your intentions, your reality will follow.