My "why" is "Haven't you suffered enough?"

Nothing is ever simple with me and my "why" is no exception.  I believe that may be the case for many of you too.

There is someone in my life who has caused me great pain and suffering, no actually there are two people and one of them is me.  While it is true he brought me to the brink of collapse, it is also true by not accepting my situation I continue my suffering every day.

I was listening to Oprah's Super Soul podcast with Eckhart Tolle last week and they were discussing how all pain and suffering is caused by our resistance to accepting reality. I knew immediately what I'm resisting but it wasn't until Oprah asked Eckhart why some of us resist acceptance and he said perhaps it is because we haven't suffered enough yet.  What??

I started crying right then and there driving down the 401.  By refusing to accept my present situation, no matter how I got here or why it happened, it is me and me alone who is creating my suffering over and over again, day after day....me and no one else! That was a lot to take in, plus I had to concentrate on seeing through my tears to get home, so I dismissed the thought.

That night I tossed and turned, as I usually do when I can't quite wrap my mind around something.  It's an annoying but usually necessary exercise my mind must perform in order to simplify the always hectic collision of emotions and thoughts that rule my being.  As usual I had dreams filled with past pain which I continue to bring into my present but this time when I woke up I had one sentence in my head, "Haven't you suffered enough?".  Yes, I do believe I have.

I would love to say that by merely realizing that I am the cause of my continued suffering that I suffer no more but that's not the case.  Resistance is a Ninja that moves in and through our thoughts placing up emotional road blocks and brick walls and we're not even aware it's happening.  Road blocks like going over and over a situation in our mind and wishing it was different.  And brick walls like believing if we had been better or different none of this would have happened.  But it's not different, and it did happen, and only by accepting that reality can our suffering be lifted. And because acceptance does not come naturally to us we must practice.  So now every time I have a painful thought I ask myself, "Haven't you suffered enough?".  

This is the long way around to my "why" but in my quest to evolve into my best self I have to learn to stop being the cause of my own suffering.  And I bring it about in so many ways! My best self will never emerge if I continue to resist accepting that my thoughts and feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness and imperfection are not true!  Only then will my suffering truly end and that is "why" I must continue to question, "Haven't you suffered enough?".  Yes, I do believe I have.

So, haven't you suffered enough? Yes?? Then question yourself:  How do you bring about your own suffering?  Do you wish things were different than they are?  Do you resist accepting what you need to do in order to evolve into your best self?  Lose weight?  Maintain your weight?  Do you resist accepting that in order to lose weight you have to track your food, move your butt and shift your less-than-self-compassionate mind-set?  

What is your "why"?  If it's anything like mine it's multi-layered and painful to accept but acceptance can bring you peace and end your suffering.  Question your resistance and let your "why" lead the way.