This journey of mine has been many things since I started on it at the age of 10: my friend, my enemy, my keeper of secrets, but most of all it's been my teacher. Certainly not my favourite teacher like Miss Axford but perhaps my most important teacher.
In my WW workshops I often ask "What have you learned?"or "What do you think that was meant to teach you?". These past couple of years have been extremely challenging and at times have nearly broken me. In order to find meaning in it all I turned to self-reflection and growth. I have asked myself over and over again, "What am I meant to learn from this experience?"
And here's some of what I've learned:
And here's some of what I've learned:
I've learned no matter how many truly loving and caring people reach out and offer support, most of the time it's just me so I need to search within myself and find the connection to the power that is bigger than me. I must say it's having a profound effect on my healing and growth.
I've learned to stand up for myself and speak my mind. This particular lesson was, and continues to be, difficult as I'm a people pleaser and don't want people to not like me, even those who have hurt me. In order to maintain my integrity I try to make a point of only standing up for myself and not tearing someone else down in order to do so.
I've learned forgiveness can set you free and give you back your power. This was a huge game changer for me! I've never been one to hold hate in my heart but have had occasions when very well meaning friends and family have encouraged me to do so. I'll admit I tried it on for size for a brief time and felt the power of it but very quickly felt the flip-side. Hate started to consume me and kept me reliving the very pain I was trying to stop. Then one Wednesday night I was driving back to Cobourg and my mind was running away with itself as it so often did/does on those long drives and I suddenly had a vision of myself typing, "I forgive you.". Wow!! Where did that come from??? Whenever I'm confronted with an idea that I'm not sure of I just let it settle and percolate. I was told by friends that I'd being saying what was done to me was okay and that I'd regret it but the thought persisted and one day I thought, "It's time.". I will tell you it was one of the single greatest factors that lead to my healing. It's not about them, you forgive for yourself, not for them.
I have learned to trust my gut. Anytime in my life when I have not trusted my gut I've regretted it. And for me it's quite literally my gut. If I'm following what is good for me my gut is at peace. It seems that my gut is more evolved than my brain.
I've learned self care sometimes means putting yourself first. This is hard for so many of us especially when others need and depend on us. I've learned it's okay to remove yourself from a stressful situation and go home and watch Netflix.
I've learned it's not only okay to say " I'm sorry but no" but that sometimes it's essential for your well-being. This one still does not come easily, the whole people pleaser thing comes into play here, but I've learned true friends will understand and to my knowledge no one has ever died because I said "no".
I've learned that I'll never be free of my story of unworthiness until I love all that went into making it. Since "nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know." I'm working daily on self discovery and acceptance. But these past couple of weeks have been testing the strength of the hold those feelings have on me and man, oh man, they are not going away without a fight! I've found myself behaving like a teenager and engaging in self-sabotaging, and quite embarrassing, behaviour. But it's particularly difficult to feel worthy when the pain is tied to someone who was supposed to love you. Like so many of you this challenge continues because I've had it with me the longest and we cling to what is familiar even if it causes us pain.
I've learned....
Not one of us can change the experiences that shaped us but each one of us can change how we feel about those experiences. Many of our experiences were engineered by someone else; they are not ours and they only define us if believe they do. We may have been shaped by our experiences but we are not our experiences; we are all wonderful beings of love and possibility each with the power to write our own story.
It's your time now.
I have learned to trust my gut. Anytime in my life when I have not trusted my gut I've regretted it. And for me it's quite literally my gut. If I'm following what is good for me my gut is at peace. It seems that my gut is more evolved than my brain.
I've learned self care sometimes means putting yourself first. This is hard for so many of us especially when others need and depend on us. I've learned it's okay to remove yourself from a stressful situation and go home and watch Netflix.
I've learned it's not only okay to say " I'm sorry but no" but that sometimes it's essential for your well-being. This one still does not come easily, the whole people pleaser thing comes into play here, but I've learned true friends will understand and to my knowledge no one has ever died because I said "no".
I've learned that I'll never be free of my story of unworthiness until I love all that went into making it. Since "nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know." I'm working daily on self discovery and acceptance. But these past couple of weeks have been testing the strength of the hold those feelings have on me and man, oh man, they are not going away without a fight! I've found myself behaving like a teenager and engaging in self-sabotaging, and quite embarrassing, behaviour. But it's particularly difficult to feel worthy when the pain is tied to someone who was supposed to love you. Like so many of you this challenge continues because I've had it with me the longest and we cling to what is familiar even if it causes us pain.
I've learned....
Not one of us can change the experiences that shaped us but each one of us can change how we feel about those experiences. Many of our experiences were engineered by someone else; they are not ours and they only define us if believe they do. We may have been shaped by our experiences but we are not our experiences; we are all wonderful beings of love and possibility each with the power to write our own story.
It's your time now.
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