Why is it that we're all pumped up and ready to commit to trying new ideas when we're in the meeting room but the moment we walk out the door all is forgotten? Are we all so committed to so many other people and life situations that we have nothing left to give ourselves?
Commitment is usually attached with be accountable to someone or something. Why are we so ready to let go of being accountable to ourselves? Perhaps we have no accountability to ourselves because we have not determined what it will mean to us in the long run. If we break a commitment to a client, friend or spouse we know we'll be held accountable for our actions. We've all had to deal with the repercussions of not fulfilling our work or relationship commitments, and it was not fun! But we learned what fulfilling those commitments meant to us in the long run. And because we did not want that to happen again we developed a routine of fulfilling our commitments.....to others.
When it come to keeping our commitments to ourselves we think there are no repercussions if we don't. Well, that little lie we tell ourselves could not be farther from the truth! The lies we tell ourselves may not result in lost business or an argument with a spouse or friend but they stay deep inside us and build up. If you do not fulfill a commitment to a client and lose their business, it's done. If you don't fulfill a commitment to a spouse or friend and it causes an argument that clears the air (usually) and it's done. But what happens to the unfulfilled commitments to ourselves? Do they just resolved themselves and go away? Me thinks not! Unresolved self-commitments are like any else you are avoiding in your life....it builds up inside of you and outwardly manifests itself in negative self-regard and self destructive behaviour.
Let's take a look at an example of our typical self commitment: our "in meeting" commitment to track our food intake in the upcoming week. At the time we are pumped and ready to do it! Right? But then the meeting is over and the moment the cold outside air hits our face our commitment is forgotten. So we don't track and next week when we come to weigh in the results we hoped and wished for are not to be. And here's where our "not-accountable-to-myself-behaviour" takes over and we go into the "weigh scale routine" we've been practicing forever to help get us past that moment: we accept the result, have a self-hate moment (and push it down inside with all the others) and vow this week will be different....again. And really it's OK because we didn't lose a client or argue with someone, right? Nobody got hurt, right? Wrong. We got hurt.
So how do we determine what it will mean to us in the long run if we follow through on our self commitments? With work or relationships we didn't like how we felt when we didn't follow through so why are we so content with how we feel when we disappoint ourselves? We're content because because it's familiar and because it reaffirms how we really see ourselves. "Yup, just as I suspected, I still haven't got what it takes to stay on plan!"
We learned to respect our commitments to others by the time we were 4 or 5 years old! We learned to de-value our commitments to ourselves shortly thereafter. That's a lot of time practicing a negative behaviour. So it stands to reason it's going to take some practice to turn it around. And practice takes commitment...darn, there's that word again! Yup, there is no getting around it, you have to practice being committed to yourself and your goals. That's why it's so important to determine what it will mean to you in the long run. Greater self-esteem? Happier relationships? Healthy relationship with food? Peaceful existence? Freedom from negative thoughts? Empowerment? Healthy weight? Aging well?
Once you've determined what is important to you here are some ways to help you get started:
1. Make promises you can keep – be realistic in your daily commitment
2. Make it your number 1 priority – don’t let anything get in the way
3. Be specific – make your promise clear – I will go for a 30 minute run today
4. Write down your promise – keep it somewhere visible at home and at work
5. Chart your success – keep track of your daily success on a star chart somewhere you see regularly
6. Reward success – how will you celebrate keeping a week of promises?
Will it be easy? Probably not but if you can follow through with your self commitments and allow yourself to feel the success I think you might get hooked! Imagine getting hooked on a behaviour that's actually good for you.
Fulfilling your commitment to yourself gives you the opportunity to feel successful
and you're gonna love it!
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