The trouble is, you think you have time. Buddha

Last week my dear friend Donna had a bad headache which turned out to be an aneurysm and she died.  That is the short version of the story.  Her death has left us all reeling and I can't help but search for the meaning of it all and I keep coming back to this: stop wasting time.

Here's my personal "Stop Wasting Time" to-do list:

Stop wasting time worrying, if you can do something about it, do it, if not let it go.

Stop wasting time on people who don't value you, and by this I mean stop trying to change them into the person who gets what a fantastic person you are.

Stop wasting time on what you think other people think of you, they don't really think about you all that much, they're too busy thinking about their own shit.

Stop wasting time being fearful of trying something new, the worst thing that can happen is that you don't like it or you're not good at it and neither of those things will kill you.

Stop wasting time measuring yourself with someone else's stick.  I guarantee when you die no one with talk about your thighs or your stomach.

Stop wasting bucket list time:  if there is something you'd like to do or somewhere you'd like to go that requires you to be be under the age of 80 because of the possible physical limitations, do it now. 

Stop wasting time hanging on to past pain which when you think of it encompasses most of the above so we must consider this one a super time waster.

Stop wasting time setting a goal, making plans of how to achieve it and then never actually put those plans into action.  If you're not going to act then planning is a waste of time.

Stop wasting time thinking you have more time, you don't.  You just have now.

And for those of us who say we don't have time....

One thing I know for sure is if I live to be the grand old broad I aspire to be, I really don't want to fill my time thinking of all the time I wasted. 


 

What a difference a day makes.

As much as I like to write about how emotions and thoughts can influence our chance of success, every once in a while I have go back to some hard truths about daily behaviour.  Does your daily behaviour represent a true desire to change? Are you doing what is necessary daily for lasting change or are you doing the hokey-pokey?  You know, "Right foot in, right foot out, right foot in, then you shake it all about"....the hokey-pokey, you're shaking your leg but you're not moving forward. 

I've seen it time and time again (and I've lived it time and time again so I'm not pointing figures here!) where members get all fired up for change and have 1 or 2 successful weeks and then right back to their old habits: not tracking, not exercising, not planning, missing meetings, etc.  Why?  Why does that happen?  I think if you are truly honest with yourself you will admit that you are not willing to do what it takes to change daily.  You want to change, would like to change but when it comes to actually doing what it takes to change on a  daily basis, you're not there yet.  

This may seem daunting but really, from my experience, living in limbo is much, much, worse.  Living with the highs of a few days or weeks of success and then living with the crippling lows when is all falls apart yet again is exhausting and breaks down our already fragile psyche. 

One final thought about the hokey-pokey, 

                                see you at the next meeting!

How I indulge but not overindulge.

Indulge: to allow oneself to enjoy a particular pleasure

Overindulge: to indulge in a particular pleasure to excess

Eating a normal amount of sweets or bread has always been almost impossible for me, hence, my no sugar habit since last July.  I'm fortunate that bread and other dough foods do not agree with me so I gave them up long ago.  One could make the point (that one being my husband) that I've not lost a pound since giving up sugar and I will agree the point.  But here's the rub (the rub: a difficulty, especially one of central importance in a situation): even though I have not lost weight because of no sweets, I know without a shadow of a doubt if I had continued to eat sweets my weight would have gone up!!  And I would've had to suffer through my weekly sugar-binge hangovers...not pleasant. 

But I'm off topic. How to indulge but not overindulge. I still have plenty of indulgences and the only way I can keep from crossing into overindulging territory is to control the amount purchased.  So for me the means indulging at a restaurant or buying a very specific amount at the grocery store to enjoy at home.

Every one is different and you may be one of those lucky people who can portion out a dessert and keep/freeze the rest for later, buy a big bag of chips and divide it up into portioned baggies, get those cookies on sale and have just 1 each day with your tea, or buy the gallon of ice cream because 1/4 of a cup is plenty for you.

OR...you are exactly like me BUT hope, wish and dream you're not!  So you keep bringing your "excess pleasure" food into your house telling yourself this time will be different.  This time you're going to get those baggies out and count out 21 chips. This time, although you've never done it before, that big honkin' cheesecake is going into the freezer for next time.  Wrong, they all go into your mouth, 'cause you're just like me.  And if for some reason you do not eat all of the cake/chips/ice cream/cookies, having it call your name until you do is agony and soul destroying (soul destroying may be just me, I tend to be high drama).

There's nothing wrong with you, or me, we're just not equipped with the portion control gene.  So for us portion control must be taken out of our hands.  And that's okay, in fact, it's wonderful!  Imagine how you'd feel if you enjoyed a lovely piece of confectionery heaven knowing when it was finished there wasn't anymore to torture you?  I'll tell you how you'd feel: in control and on Plan.  I guess that's why for now I will continue to not eat desserts.  Ribs on the other hand, bring 'em on!

Love your broken bits.

Do you find yourself mired in the yoyo diet muck?  I have, many times.  And every time it happens I look to what I'm eating and the amount of exercise I'm doing, after all one or both of them must be the culprit right?  Maybe or maybe not so much.

I wouldn't say I'm content with the part of me that's broken but neither am I totally accepting and at peace with it either.  I still yoyo between self love and loathe...but the self loathe times occur less often and pass much more quickly. I attribute that progress to working daily on accepting what is and then being grateful for all of the wonderful things in my life.  When you accept and are grateful self love seems to follow.

So if you are constantly stuck and mired down, constantly struggling to stay on your weight loss plan or any life plan for that matter take a deeper look.  

Are your broken bits dominating your thoughts, therefore your life?  

And if they do, what do you do with those thoughts?  

Ignore them? 

Cry over them? 

Dismiss them? 

Try to convince yourself they are no longer part of you?

Or sink into them as if that's where you belong?  

I can tell you for me none of these tactics work.  It may seem like you are controlling and conquering your broken bits but you're not.  You are just giving them power. It's only through accepting and loving your broken bits will they become powerless over you. They won't disappear, they are part of you, but they will agree to sit down and shut up! Think of them as a pain in the butt relative, they're not going anywhere, and they'll always be around at Christmas, but you accept them and dinner will be over shortly.

If there is a battle going on inside of you and you realize you're content with being broken because that's the way it's always been, try to change your attitude towards those poor bits.  They're not bad or wrong, they're just broken and love and acceptance is the glue. 

If you have no idea what I've been writing about lucky you...be grateful! :)

Just realized the hold food really has on me!

Have you ever found out that a lovely acquaintance has died?  That happened to me on Saturday.  I read a friends post about Susan and a bursary being set up in her name.  I immediately went online to Belleville obituaries and was shocked to read that,  yes, Susan had indeed died but, almost a year ago! I was stunned, absolutely stunned.  How did I not hear?

As I mentioned we were only acquaintances, we had done several shows together and ran into each other every now and again.  But I really liked her, she was kind, generous and so genuine with no hidden agenda.  Reading about her death at age 58 took the wind out of my sails.  It was a strange feeling because the feelings I had were as if she had just passed but in fact she has been gone from this earth for almost a year.  A year!

And Susan was just 58.  A seemingly healthy 58 year old who got cancer and died. And I'm embarrassed to say my first reaction was "Well, shit, what's the point of me giving up sugar?"  So tied am I to food that my first thought of living life to the fullest was to go back to eating dessert!  I thought why am I wasting precious time not enjoying the high fat, high sugar food I love?

After a moment or two I came back to my senses and took notice of the food thoughts.  I looked at them without judgement, just looked at them for what they are: old thoughts from an old story.  It's not who I am anymore.  Who I am now is someone making a daily effort to be healthy, live well and enjoy life. Because the fact of the matter is none of us ever know what lies ahead.  All we can do is take the time we're given and make the very best of it, and for me, and maybe for you too, making peace with my old thoughts about self worthiness and food and replacing them with ones of love, joy and health is time well spent.  Everything in life and death can be a lesson.

What would this Weight Watcher do?

I have moments of clarity when I get a taste of what "getting it" is like.  I had a moment this past weekend, and wouldn't you know it involved Nachos and chips, well, Party Mix, to be exact.

My husband and I often go out to eat once on the weekend and usually I stay within my daily + weekly points but this time I had Nachos on the brain and you know what that's like!  I hadn't had Nachos for years, in fact, my husband says he's never seen me order them.  So, I decided I really wanted them...and ordered a LARGE...of course, and it was so HUGE the lady at the next table laughed.  So I asked myself, what would a Weight Watcher do, and then ate just half and took the rest home.  The next morning I had thoughts of tossing them out (along with the extra sour cream the waitress so kindly packed) but just couldn't do it....I really wanted them for breakfast!  Asked myself again, what would a Weight Watcher do, and decided this Weight Watcher would eat just the ones with topping on them and then toss the rest, along with the sour cream. And that's exactly what I did...yay!  You get what a big deal that was for me, right?

I got right back on Plan with my lunch but then in the late afternoon I needed Party Mix, yes, needed, Party Mix. This was not a surprise to me, when I have starchy carbs I always want more starchy carbs!  My husband came home with a large bag of Party Mix which I immediately tore into while watching the last of the "Hunger Games" movies (perfect, don't you think? haha Hunger Games!).  Hubby said he thought we had a raccoon in the house with the rustling of the bag!  But then something happened, I took notice of my level of satiety and realized even though I was just half way through the bag that I was full.  Now I had a dilemma: I was very aware I was incapable of putting them away for next week but I didn't want to just polish them off like I normally would....so what would this Weight Watcher do??  I decided I would pick out the rest of the cheezies, my favourite part, and then throw the rest away.  And that's what I did.  I felt really good about myself. I also felt good knowing that I would get right back on Plan

.  

Then, something happened. 

I felt even better when I realized that I wasn't off  Plan,

because sometimes Nachos and Party Mix are on Plan.

That's what this Weight Watcher thought.

Be strong, ask for help.

As we grow up, somewhere along the way we start to perceive that asking for help is a sign of weakness.  I think it starts when we first taste a bit of independence and are praised for it so we think staunch self-reliance is the only way to be. Why aren't we taught not only the value of asking for help, but how to ask for help?  I remember teaching my son two very important coping skills: how to apologize with grace and how to ask for help without feeling inadequate.  I taught him because I didn't know how to do myself for a long time.

When it comes to asking for help the "without feeling inadequate" is really important and that's why coming to meetings or talking to other members is so important.  Everyone at your meeting feels the exact same way as you do and knows what you're going through.  You might be nervous about asking for help because it's out of your comfort zone but please, please, never feel inadequate.  You are more than adequate, you just need a little help. And like everything else it gets easier the more you do it!

Some members don't feel inadequate but they fear looking weak.  They are so strong and capable in all facets of their lives but this one.  This one single relationship has the power to cripple them. For those members try to look at asking for help as a sign of strength and taking control.

And sometimes you will be the one who is asked to help. 

See it as a privilege and an honor to give someone hope, advice 

or just empathetic attention.

Is your weight loss goal overshadowing the rest of your life?

Have you ever felt that all you think about is weight loss?  That's a silly question, of course you have!

I've been feeling that way for some time now.  I guess when you've had a 45 year goal it tends to take over your thoughts.  I've began to wonder if my intense focus on this one goal has overshadowed other potential life goals.  It stands to reason that one only has so much brain power and energy at any given time so if one goal is all consuming other goals are set aside, or even worse, not even given consideration.

And here's another thought: by continually focusing all of our thoughts on this goal of weight loss are we actually keeping weight loss success out of our reach?  We are what we think.  If we always think of ourselves as someone who needs to lose weight then we will always be someone who needs to lose weight. And so the vicious cycle continues and other things, other wonderful things, in our lives get left behind.  Life is too short to have all of our possibly amazing experiences overshadowed by one goal.

So what do we do to put our goal of weight loss into perspective so it's doesn't overshadow the rest of our lives?

I believe the key here is to move our thoughts on weight lose from planning the ways to living the ways.  Plans are what we need to get started, but once the plans are made we need to move out of the planning stage and settle into living stage. If you live your plan it will become part of who you are and you won't have to think about it so much therefore freeing up your time to seek new goals. Have you noticed that planning how to lose weight takes up a lot of time? And for some of us who've been doing it for years, and know what we need to do, what a waste of precious time.

Change your daily plan to lose weight to living that plan daily.

One easy way to start living your plan is to address all your food situations with one question:

What would a Weight Watcher do?  And then do that.

"Well, I woke up Sunday mornin' with no way to hold my head that didn't hurt"...Johnny Cash

In reality it was this morning, Monday morning, but that's the song that's running through my head. Yesterday was my birthday and I don't care at all about birthdays, except for the food I give myself permission to have, so I decided instead of going out to dinner I wanted to go to the movies and have a full fledged carb-out: my own bag of popcorn with butter, chip-nuts, and party-mix all washed down with a HUGE, and let's not forget aspartame filled, Diet Coke.  And I thoroughly enjoyed it all. But, of course, when we got home, because I had crashed from my carbo-high so I needed more....so I made, and ate, a box of fat free, sugar free, carb loaded pistachio jello pudding...all 2 cups of it.  It made my heart race, seriously, I was having palpitations. Then I went to bed.

I tossed and turned all night with a churning stomach and hot flashes and am totally useless today. My head aches, my body aches, I can't focus on any one task and all I want to do is go back to bed!

So was it worth it?  I have to say for the most part yes although I think foregoing the pudding would have been a wise move.  

Am I happy with how I planned it?  Again, yes. I thought it out for days, yup, days! I went to the Bulk Barn and bought about a hand full of chip nuts and 2 hand fulls of party-mix...AND for the first time ever, bought a small popcorn.  The last time I did this kind of carb-out was perhaps 5 years ago and compared to my "old days" it was nothin'!

I've become really aware of how putting that crap into my body has made me feel like crap. I usually eat veggies, fruit, eggs, meat and dairy so I know for certain all my aches and pains are a direct result of eating all that crap.  My body usually hums along nicely, today it's shaking, aching and wondering what I have against it!

We are what we eat.  Do you feel tired, aching, and generally crappy a lot of the time?  Maybe you think that's just the way it is.  It's not.  Give your body a chance to feel good by eating healthy food for a while and I guarantee the next time you have a carb-out-pig-out you'll be singing the same tune I was this morning. 

The power of a meeting.

Last week we talked about internal and external hunger and after our Friday meeting I experienced a powerful external trigger.  My friend had just finished her first chemo for her stage 4 colon cancer and I was picking her up at the hospital to take her home to Napanee, so as you can imagine the "trigger" stage was set.  Seeing someone you love start on that kind of journey, which let's face it, has no good outcome affects each of us differently.  For me I get the "Well in the end what does it all matter so I might as well eat" feeling and was immediately thinking of fast food take out.  After all, what does it really matter?

Fortunately, as I always do, I had snacks with me: 2 apples, my favourite coconut 4 SP protein bar and a thermos of coffee. A good thing too as I still had to go on to Kingston to make a return for my friend. Then I got lost, and then the return did not go well and then it was 6 pm and I was frustrated, sad, mad, tired and thoroughly pissed off....at Kingston and wonky Princess Street, at the store for it's stupid return policy, at F@#&ING cancer AND at all the people going through the Wendy's drive thru because I so badly wanted to join them.  But I didn't. I didn't because I had just come from a meeting. I truly believe the meeting made the difference. It helped me to think about my goal and to say "It really does matter."

So I ate my protein bar and two apples, drank my coffee and went home.