It's a choice....

If you've been on this weight loss not-so-merry-go-round for any length of time there is a good chance that like me you're pretty fed up with it.  I know that to be true because after last weeks blog many of you told me so!  For us this is a journey on a a good day but battle on so many others. It has consumed our lives for so long that we believe it is our life.  It is not our life, it is a circumstance of our life at this time.  

Of circumstances the Dalai Lama says we can "become increasingly resentful and afraid or we can let them soften us and make us kinder. You always have a choice."

Last week I was resentful.  Not the first time I resented my relationship with food and it probably won't be the last but I do believe I'm getting better at keeping that dragon at bay.  In the past I would have allowed those feelings to fester and grow and feel sorry for myself...all the while cleaning out the fridge and cupboards....and not in a spring cleaning sort of way either!  

I have learned to be kinder to myself regarding my relationship with food.  And guess what?  Once I make the choice to leave resentment-ville my whole being opens up to the ever present possibility of change!  You can do the same with your feelings towards food.  All you gotta do is feed the right wolf.  The choice is yours.

And if you still don't believe this is a mind game, what are your thoughts about yourself and your weight loss journey?  Are they full of anger, resentment and feelings of worthlessness?  Yes?  How's that working for you?  I thought so.  Make the choice right now to feed the right wolf.

I'm so sick of it! Warning: This blog contains coarse language....there is an F-bomb!

Ok, I know I just came back from 16 days in Maui, but I'm going to bitch and complain cause this Buttercup has no suck-it-up left!  

Good little WW that I am,  I started right back with my tracking and was on Plan the day after we got home....AND already I'm so sick of it!!!  I'm sick of thinking about food, of measuring food, of tracking food, of saying no to food, of  "low fat" foods, of not having chips, of making yet another pot of soup, of not seeing results like I used to, of having these thoughts running around in my head....sick, sick, sick, and a let's not forget, tired, of it all.  I have been on this damn diet treadmill since I was in grade 6!  Grade fucking 6, that's 44 years!  

And I want to quit.  I want to eat what I want without thought or planning. But (damn my hard won wisdom) I know that is not an option.  And quite frankly the way I feel today, that really pisses me off!

And do you know what else pisses me off?  Yesterday, while trying to get some badly needed endorphins by playing snow soccer with James I pulled my quadricep muscle.  See that bad kick? Totally over extended my leg and ouch!  Oh, and the ball is supposed to go down the hill, not back into the garage.  

So where was I, oh ya, I want to quit.  I want to quit so badly.  I want to quit and dive into the largest bag of chips that Costo sells and live there forever.  But I freakin' can't!  I can't because there is only one thing in this world of weight loss that hurts almost as much as doing nothing, and that's starting over.  I have started over so many times and have been so angry with myself for quitting and feeling like such a loser.  Each time I vowed this would be the last time, that when I hit that inevitable snag, plateau, winter and/or spring, summer or fall blues that I would fight to stay on track and wait it out.

These days when I'm finding it hard to bring up feelings of gratitude there is one thing I can cling to and that is the thought of my WW peeps.  It's bringing tears to my eyes right now when I think of the weight loss struggles so many of you have and yet never give up, or have been close to giving up and leave a meeting with the resolve to keep going.  I feel such a part of the collective and it's such a safe, accepting place to be.  You all are a lifeline for me...(more tears) and I am so thankful and, sniff, sniff there it is...grateful... that this time I'm not fighting the battle alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And, on a lighter note:
 This is what I'll be doing tomorrow morning, drinking coffee

and letting Scott kick the damn ball!

Just remember....

Too much...

I don't even celebrate Valentine's Day...so why do I still think I need chocolate??

Knowing what works for you will help you get where you want to be!

Everyone is the same...yet different.  When it comes to weight loss knowing your body and what works for you is key.  Your fellow member may be able to eat 3 servings of bread or potatoes a day and lose weight.  Another member may be able to make an entire pan of brownies and just have one. Your friend may be able to eat 5 fruits a day and continue with an even weight loss. Some members get very little any activity and are still able to lose and/or maintain weight. 

I am like none of those members.  Looking sideways at bread or potatoes makes me gain weight.  I would only make a pan of brownies if I had full intentions of eating the entire pan...in one day.  If I eat grapes, watermelon or bananas my weight loss slows down.  If I eat more than 2 fruits a day, my weight loss slows down.  Oh, and let's not forget the 94 % fat free popcorn...it fattens me up nicely!  If I don't walk at least 4 times a week I don't lose weight and if I don't exercise at all I gain weight even if my food intake is right on Plan. Fortunately, I can work some "treats" into my week and still lose weight.  

Accepting "what is" in life, and in weight loss, is one 

of my biggest breakthroughs.

I now know what works for me and have accepted 

what it takes to get me where I want to go. 

Have you?

When is a gain still a win?

Even though I've walked every day I've had my feet in Hawaii (8000 - 12000 steps each day), I know I've gained a few pounds!  

I have two tells:

1. there's a fold on the right side of my belly fat that "fills" out.

2. I can't feel my side ribs through my back fat.

But,  am happy to report I've had chips just once, (and really they were for medicinal purposes as my stomach was upset), and am having only 2 or 3 beers a day.  Plus only 3 pieces of pie this whole time and 2 of them were in one sitting, so they may count as just one.  Yes??? No?? Ok :)

And, last year I walked maybe 4 times over the two weeks, plus had a large bag of chips each day, plus many bowls of popcorn, plus 5 beers everyday, plus many sweet desserts, plus, plus, plus! 

So I'm giving myself a pat on the back this year knowing that not all wins have to include

 a weight loss.  Some wins are about doing your best and enjoying the moment....

and yes, that's me sitting below our condo enjoying a couple of  beers while watching

 the waves, whales and sea turtles!

Aloha, and see you next week!  

Aloha from Maui!

I'm working really hard on the activity part of the Plan...just so I can slack off a bit on the food part:) Everyday we have hiked from 3 to 5 miles, not kms, and half of it is up hill!  Here's me hiking through bamboo forest, it was truly amazing, and quite loud....like a bunch of 5 year old kids at drum practice!

You are what you eat. I used to be sugar.

This not only cracks me up but is very true.  We need to stop pretending that eating on Plan a couple of days a week will do the trick....it won't!  And our bodies are trying to tell us just that and here's how: we're tired, we're overweight, we're not sleeping, we have hot flashes, we have mood swings, we're unmotivated, we're irritable, we're depressed, we're achy, and to top it all off, we're bloated!

It's really simple: 

You are what you eat, if you eat crap, you'll feel like crap.

"12 Little Habits That Stole Your Happiness Last Year" by Marc Chernoff

I love that ultimately we are all the same.  If there is one of you who has not, or is not, experiencing some or all of the habits below.....you need to write a book, seriously, Oprah will want to talk to you!

1.       Sticking exclusively with what you already know. – When you stop learning you stop living a meaningful life.  Life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar and comfortable territory.  It’s when you venture out, away from the familiar, that you grow stronger and more capable.  You must hold tightly to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, feelings and experiences. 

2.      Resisting life’s inevitable and necessary changes. – There will always be more tough changes to make.  Always!  And yes, this growth can be painful.  Change can be painful.  But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you do not belong.  You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago or a week ago.  You’re always growing. 

3.      Letting others define what’s possible for you and your life. – Some people will kill you over time if you let them; and how they’ll kill you is with tiny, seemingly harmless phrases like, “Be realistic.”  When this happens, close your ears and listen to your inner voice instead.  Remember that real success in life isn’t what others see, but how you feel inside

4.      Focusing on everyone’s story except your own. – Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have gone for them that you forget to write your own.  And don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 15.  Unfold your own tale and bring it to life.  You have everything you need to become what you are capable of becoming.  Incredible change happens when you decide to take control.  Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.

5.       Focusing on every little problem. – The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our attitudes, not our circumstances.  If you’re stressed out by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your interpretation of it; and this is something you have the power to change at any moment.  In other words, frustration and stress come from the way you react, not the way things are.  Adjust your attitude, and the frustration and stress is gone.  (Read The How of Happiness.)

6.      Wanting to be more right than everyone else. – When it’s suddenly more important to win arguments than to love people, we need to start all over again with our priorities.  Remember, truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong.  They know that finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right.  And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously and appreciate the lesson learned. 

7.       Holding on to someone who continuously and deliberately hurts you. – Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don’t care, but because they don’t.  Forgiveness is important, but when someone hurts you time and time again, purposely, you have to accept the fact that they don’t care about you.  It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary medicine.  Do NOT strive to impress them anymore.  Waste not another second of your time trying to prove something to them.  Nothing needs to be proven. 

8.      Being more loving to others than you are to yourself. – Life gets a lot easier when you are your own best friend.  So don’t forget about YOU out there, and don’t be too hard on yourself either.  There are plenty of others that will do both of these things for you.  There’s absolutely nothing selfish about self-care.  If you don’t take good care of yourself then you can’t take good care of anyone else. 

9.      Being too self-absorbed. – Generosity is what keeps the things you own from owning you.  In other words, generosity isn’t just to help others, it’s also to liberate you.  Which is why you cannot live abundantly until you have done something nice for someone who can never repay you.  Know this and live graciously.  There is no exercise better for your heart and mind than reaching down and lifting people up.

10.   Expecting everyone else to be as kind and caring as you are. – Bottom line: You will end up very disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them.  Not everyone has the same heart as you.  (Read Loving What Is.)

11.    Expecting to never lose anything. – It’s incredibly tough to comprehend at times, but there’s a reason for everything.  The awful pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to warm-up a cold heart, and make an even better person out of a good one.  So remember that no book is just one chapter.  No chapter tells the whole story.  No hardship defines who you are.  Keep turning the pages that need to be turned.

12.   Letting yesterday’s displeasures defeat you. – Don’t live with disappointment, live beyond it.  You cannot stop what has already happened, but you can let it make you stronger and more determined.  The journey to emotional maturity requires that you review the events in your life to find the wisdom and purpose they contain.  And a time will inevitably come in your life when you finally get it.  When in the midst of all your hesitation and frustration you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, “ENOUGH!”  This is the turning point that ultimately leads to healing and growth.  So as we begin a new year, close the door on your past, open the door to your future, take a deep breath, take a step forward, and start a new chapter in your life.

Be specific!

Somehow we've all learned how to wish and dream.  Once again it took me until I was 50 to learn that I had to be specific with my dreams and then turn those specifics into action in order to achieve my dreams.  Now why didn't we learn THAT in school?

When it comes to weight loss, are you specific?  Or do you just throw the "I want to lose weight" blanket over your thoughts and call it a goal?  Losing weight is no different than re-doing your bathroom.  You call in a professional and say you want a change your bathroom.  Do they just say great and re-do your bathroom?  Do they tell you what you want?  Do they select the floor tile?  Paint colour?  Pick out the vanity?  No, you give them the specifics.  And you are really careful that there is no mis-communication because we've all been on the end of that stick when it comes to generalizing about specific shades of floor tile or paint colour!  Specifics matter.

According to Jack Canfield, our brains "are goal-seeking organisms" but to "engage our sub-conscious mind the goal must be measurable".  So when you're thinking of your weight loss specifics define their "when, what and how"criteria: when do I want to reach my 5%?....what changes will I make in my evening snacking?....how can I make this happen?  

So you are specific and your bathroom is a masterpiece!  

And you take full credit because it was your specific ideas (and perhaps some craftsmanship on the part of the contractor) that made it happen!  And you think, "How awesome am I?".

Why can't I take my meeting commitment home with me?

Why is it that we're all pumped up and ready to commit to trying new ideas when we're in the meeting room but the moment we walk out the door all is forgotten?  Are we all so committed to so many other people and life situations that we have nothing left to give ourselves?

Commitment is usually attached with be accountable to someone or something.  Why are we so ready to let go of being accountable to ourselves?  Perhaps we have no accountability to ourselves because we have not determined what it will mean to us in the long run.  If we break a commitment to a client, friend or spouse we know we'll be held accountable for our actions.  We've all had to deal with the repercussions of not fulfilling our work or relationship commitments, and it was not fun!  But we learned what fulfilling those commitments meant to us in the long run.   And because we did not want that to happen again we developed a routine of fulfilling our commitments.....to others.  

When it come to keeping our commitments to ourselves we think there are no repercussions if we don't.  Well, that little lie we tell ourselves could not be farther from the truth!  The lies we tell ourselves may not result in lost business or an argument with a spouse or friend but they stay deep inside us and build up.  If you do not fulfill a commitment to a client and lose their business, it's done. If you don't fulfill a commitment to a spouse or friend and it causes an argument that clears the air (usually) and it's done.  But what happens to the unfulfilled commitments to ourselves?  Do they just resolved themselves and go away?  Me thinks not!  Unresolved self-commitments are like any else you are avoiding in your life....it builds up inside of you and outwardly manifests itself in negative self-regard and self destructive behaviour.

Let's take a look at an example of our typical self commitment: our "in meeting" commitment to track our food intake in the upcoming week.  At the time we are pumped and ready to do it!  Right?  But then the meeting is over and the moment the cold outside air hits our face our commitment is forgotten.  So we don't track and next week when we come to weigh in the results we hoped and wished for are not to be. And here's where our "not-accountable-to-myself-behaviour" takes over and we go into the "weigh scale routine" we've been practicing forever to help get us past that moment: we accept the result, have a self-hate moment (and push it down inside with all the others) and vow this week will be different....again.  And really it's OK because we didn't lose a client or argue with someone, right?  Nobody got hurt, right?  Wrong.  We got hurt.

So how do we determine what it will mean to us in the long run if we follow through on our self commitments?  With work or relationships we didn't like how we felt when we didn't follow through so why are we so content with how we feel when we disappoint ourselves?  We're content because because it's familiar and because it reaffirms how we really see ourselves.  "Yup, just as I suspected, I still haven't got what it takes to stay on plan!"  

We learned to respect our commitments to others by the time we were 4 or 5 years old!  We learned to de-value our commitments to ourselves shortly thereafter.  That's a lot of time practicing a negative behaviour.  So it stands to reason it's going to take some practice to turn it around. And practice takes commitment...darn, there's that word again!  Yup, there is no getting around it, you have to practice being committed to yourself and your goals.  That's why it's so important to determine what it will mean to you in the long run.  Greater self-esteem?  Happier  relationships? Healthy relationship with food? Peaceful existence? Freedom from negative thoughts? Empowerment?  Healthy weight? Aging well?

Once you've determined what is important to you here are some ways to help you get started:
1. Make promises you can keep – be realistic in your daily commitment
2. Make it your number 1 priority – don’t let anything get in the way
3. Be specific – make your promise clear – I will go for a 30 minute run today
4. Write down your promise – keep it somewhere visible at home and at work
5. Chart your success – keep track of your daily success on a star chart somewhere you see regularly
6. Reward success – how will you celebrate keeping a week of promises?

Will it be easy?  Probably not but if you can follow through with your self commitments and allow yourself to feel the success I think you might get hooked!  Imagine getting hooked on a behaviour that's actually good for you.   

Fulfilling your commitment to yourself gives you the opportunity to feel successful

and you're gonna love it!