I'm trying a new thing...I'm not always eating the moment I feel a hunger pang!

Today is Boxing Day and I'm trying to get back to normal everyday food.  It's a bit difficult as there's still some holiday food around but oddly enough each and every time I did not eat the moment I felt a hunger pang I did not die.  This is a revelation to me.

Here are my post Christmas tips:

What to do with the nutritious holiday leftovers?

And accept reality, this ain't never going to happen!

A couple good condiment solutions!

Here are two of my favourites each 0 SmartPoints for 1 tbs.  I also order my Zeroodle pasta here too (Zero SmartPoints!).  I use this website all of the time. It's a store in Scarborough (which is fun to visit too!) and if you order $100 of food the shipping is free.  I have no problem ordering $100 but maybe some of you can place an order together.

http://www.lowcarbcanada.ca/collections/condiments/products/heinz-one-carb-tomato-ketchup-13-oz

Have a wonderful, peaceful and on Plan holiday!  

You can do!  We can do it together!

Is your glass half empty or half full?

That old adage came to mind as I was thinking about how you all might be doing with the new plan. It's the old are you an optimist or a pessimist idea.  Are you optimistic that the new changes will not only be great for your weight loss but also your cholesterol, blood sugar and blood pressure?  Or are you pessimistic about the plan because the changes have made your favourite treat 4 points higher and your weekly extra points less?  For me?  Honestly at first I was a bit of both.  I love striving to be healthier and age well but I was also pissed that my pie and chocolate would cost me a lot more! In the end however, my constant goal to be my healthiest self won out: the changes are worth it to me. As for the 49 weeklies?  I could never eat all my 49 weeklies and lose weight anyway so I had already lowered them.

Yup, I am a problem solver too.  I won't spend the points on pie because it is not worth it to me, but  I will find sometime else in the "dessert" department that is worth it.  And someday pie may be worth it to me again, but not right now.  It gets in the way of getting to my goal, so nope, not worth it.

If you're feeling "half empty" I urge you to let it go and move toward "half full".  How do you do that?  First of all accept that the plan has changed, being upset/angry about it will do you no good at all, in fact non-acceptance will just mire you down. Secondly, the health benefits are undeniable and isn't that fantastic???  Embrace that and love that, it will lift your spirits! And thirdly, none of your favourite indulgences are off the table completely, the new plan just asks you to look at them in a new light and decide how much and how often they are worth it.  Maybe that new light will be candle light at a weekly dinner instead of the light thrown off nightly by the TV.  You get to decide.

Or beer.  

Or a nice piece of chocolate, or peanut butter! 

Why do we fear change?

My fear driven brain has always been fearful of change but thankfully something inside of me was greater than that fear.  Actually, come to think of it, what made me overcome some of my fears was just a greater fear. Doesn't sound like someone who needs therapy? Actually I've been in therapy a couple of times and found it very helpful, I highly recommend it!

We fear what we don't know, we fear what we do know.  Many of us were brought up by fear-driven parents.  Parents who lived through tough financial times and really had to work hard for everything and feared losing it.  At least that's how I grew up.  I let fear rule my 20's, 30's and some of my 40's. I'm determined my 50's will be different and part getting rid of fear is saying "yes" to change.

I think back to all of the times I said, "No, I'm not doing that" for fear of what could happen, usually a fear that I wouldn't be good at something.  And I'm talking about easy things or simply saying "yes" to trying something new, not jumping out of a plane or fighting a woman eating tiger!  So quite often I made nothing happen.
So if you are locked in fear one simple, albeit not always easy, way to move past it is to start saying "yes"to small changes in your life.  Saying "yes" opens doors and allows the fear to move on.

What are you allowing your fears to take from you?

What are you perhaps missing out on every time you say "no"?

What would happen if you said "yes"?

It could be something great and 
even if it's not so great this time, 

chances are you won't die...
unless there is a tiger involved, 
then you could die.

Your goal: what is it worth to you?

When it comes to weight loss most of us can easily name our "whys" bing, bang, boom. But knowing "why" is just the first step in your success plan, you have to figure out "how" you can make your goal become a reality and THEN, and here's the rub...you have to figure out how you can make yourself do the "hows" you have decided you need to do!!  Whew!!! Perhaps this is why many of us just don't get to where we want to be?  

I've been thinking about a criteria we could use to help us do our "hows" and this is one that came to me on my walk this morning, "You have to decide what it's worth to you and that will help you decide what you are willing to do, or give up, in order to achieve your goal."  Make sense?

For example I am planning to continue to be sugar free for the holidays.  Because any amount of sugar sends me on a slide I have decided it is worth it to me to have none.  But that extreme attitude may not be worth it to you.  I think it's fair to say ALL of us want to set limits on the goodies we eat at Christmas time.  So what are your limits going to be? Would you say it's worth it to you to have no goodies until Christmas dinner?  Or is that too strict?  Would it be worth it to you to just have goodies if at an event?  Would you say in order to limit goody gobbling it's worth it to you to not bring random goodies (goodies that are not for a specific purpose) into your house?  Would you say it is worth it to you to indulge as you please during this time?  

Where do you want to be in your weight loss journey come January?   

What is it worth to you?

Decide what you want.

Decide what is worth doing. 

Then write it down and remember to be specific! 

This season, either you do or you don't!

If you do this holiday season what you did last holiday season you will get the same results come January 2016 as you got January 2015 AND a whole year later!  Is that what you want?  No?  Then what are you going to do about it?  And when I say do I mean actually DO!

I've said in our meetings that I'm going to be a hard-ass (well, unfortunately I can only say "hard-ass" in my blog!) this holiday season.  While I do believe there are times a gentle approach yields the best results I don't think this is one of them.  Don't get me wrong, hard-ass does not mean negative, it means a no-nonsense get down to business attitude.  Plan and execute!  

This is what I believe: if you do not create a holiday plan, AND execute that plan, you will quite possibly get to Jan. 2, 2016 gaining some or all of the weight you've worked so hard to lose in 2015. Is that what you want?  Of course not, none of us want that result but some of us get that result.  Why?  Because we didn't make a plan and then, most importantly, work the damn plan!

Ohhhh, I can hear your negative thoughts...."I don't have the will power", "I'm lazy", "I could never follow a plan", "What if I fail?"

How did I hear those negative thoughts?  I heard them because they have been MY negative thoughts too!  Well, no more!  You need to get out of that negative thought pattern rut and change your story.

There is a reason the Nike ad "Just do it" is so successful.  It's simple and clear, if you want success you need to "just do it".  Don't allow your self to fall back on your old excuses, just do it.

Ohhhh, I can hear you again!!!!  I can hear, "Well, that's easy for you but not for me".  Easy?  Oh, it ain't easy for anybody, it's work!  And I will tell you in the beginning it can be hard work because you are changing perhaps a lifetime of ingrained habits, but like anything else in life, the more you work it, the easier it becomes. A successful plan doesn't have to be elaborate or huge, it just has to be and be done.  Plan what you think you are capable of doing this holiday season and then do it.

I've always disliked this quote because I felt it was negative....

but now I think we must really take it in for the truth it is.  

I realize now it is neither negative or positive, 

it is simply the truth.

Plan it and do it.  Just do it.

Shift your focus and give your poor old brain a rest!

If you're like me, and I know many of you are, you have been trying to loose weight or thinking about loosing weight for what seems like forever!  Maybe it's time to give the old noggin a break.  I'm not saying quit, I'm saying shift your focus.  While still working your plan give your brain a new goal to think about.  

Why not try putting your focus on feeling better?  What do you need to do to "feel better"?  Get more sleep?  Get more activity?  Eat less sugar?  Try a new hobby?  Drink more water?  Drink more booze?  Haha...just seeing if you're paying attention!  

I decided last week I needed to shift my focus from loosing the 10 pounds to get back to goal because for some reason (menopause????) it's not happening and I find myself waking up in the middle of the night thinking about changes I can make to lose it, which really pisses me off!  So, I've been working on shifting my focus.  

Here's what I want: I've felt for a long time that all of my hard work has not be paying off.  I need to feel like my efforts are paying off so I've been focusing on the other ways my efforts are paying off. For example, by not having sugar the dreaded hot flashes, knock wood, have gone away, knock more wood.  I have decided that spending some points on a couple of adult beverages a week makes my life more enjoyable.  I have added more olive oil into my daily diet...took some of my daily protein points (4) over the day and have added some more healthy fat and feel more satisfied.  I have shortened my walks to 30 minutes, my back feels better but am still getting the brain benefits.  I have decided to do more of the little things that make me happy so my husband and I went to lunch and went to a matinee movie on a Thursday (!!) and had some butter laden popcorn, which I hadn't had in years, and loved it!  No guilt, just enjoyed the moment.  I did not feel like a failure, I felt happy and in control. That is a big way my efforts are paying off, my thought patterns are changing.  

So if you've been batting the same goal around and not really getting anywhere maybe give your brain a break and shift your focus.  Shift your thought pattern away from just losing weight and pay attention to another goal for while, something that makes you happy. Who knows?  It just might help you lose weight! :)

Tired and stressed out...not a good combination!

Am crazy stupid busy at the Theatre now with working on 2016 spring brochure AND getting the media work done for our Christmas panto "Treasure Island"....call Box Office for tickets 613-395-2100....sorry like I said to Lynda (who is happily settling in for the winter in Florida) I am very tunnel visioned right now!  And tired and stressed which makes me want to eat....and not vegetables!  Zucchini just doesn't cut the mustard as a comfort food.

So what to do?  I've been able to stay on Plan but am sooooo hungry guess my Ghrelin (a hormone produced in the body that stimulates appetite) is on over drive.  I've really turned to the mind over matter aspect of working the Plan because I know there is no amount of comfort food that would turn the stress off...has never worked in the past, why would it now?

I have been drinking spiced up chicken stock and that is surprisingly soothing, and filling. Sometimes I add a teaspoon of olive oil too.  The old chicken soup cure!

I'm making sure to make time to move which is difficult when you think how much more you could finish up in that 45 minutes but I now know my walk will help me be more efficient when I do sit back down.

Let go, accept, and all in good time:  These three thoughts have helped me tremendously, especially when I wake up in the middle of the night and think of all the work I have to do!  With any job, or situation in life, there are certain things that are beyond our control so we shouldn't worry about them...but we do.  "Let go, accept and all in good time" has become my mantra!

I know it works because I'm not stressing about the white hi-lighted bits under all of the words and that I can't get rid of it!  See, it works!

So what's stressing you out?  

What are you worried about? 

How is it affecting you staying on Plan?  

What non-food related practices might help you get through it?

Try these ideas!

and then...

Be productive yet calm...I think I will work on that one!

Some days I got nothin!

Some weeks my blog writes itself, other weeks not so much.  If I'm feeling successful and all fired up about my ever-present-never-ending weight loss journey it just oozes out of my fingers!  But the fact of the matter is for me, just like you, it's work.

-It takes daily commitment and daily application.  

-It takes reminding myself what would happen if I quit.

-It takes acceptance that it's never going to be as easy as it was before I hit 50. 

-It takes listing the other health benefits I tend to forget about.

-It takes looking beyond myself for a change and seeing the big picture.

-It takes being grateful that at this moment in time losing 10 pounds is really my only struggle...because I know that can change in the blink of an eye.

-It takes loving myself as I am right now for there is no future time to love ourselves, there is only now.  I tend to forget that.

So, when I feel I have "nothin'" to write about I think just go back to the basics. 

When you feel you've got "nothin'" just go back to the basics.

The basics gives us perspective.  So,  now I have a topic, this blog is about perspective.

Yesterday's junk.

When I started this weight loss journey (this one, not all the other ones before!) I had no idea it would lead me on such a quest for personal peace and happiness.  And I owe every one who sits in one of my meetings a huge thank you because I believe that it is my connection with all of you that is the foundation for my quest.  Your joys are so joyful to me, and your challenges stay in my thoughts.  We are connected.

I was thinking today how our shared experience (the good, the bad, and especially the ugly!) has helped me deal with all of the useless junk I have been carrying around for years.  It reminds me of when I was in my early twenties in Toronto: I moved a lot (11 times in 6 years!) and with every move I carted garbage bags filled with all of my Cosmopolitans and Vogues etc. from place to place.  Did I re-read them...nope, I just kept them,,,yesterday's junk.  I'm not saying magazines are junk but these particular magazines were junk because they had been telling me for years that I was not thin enough, pretty enough and just why I could not get a boyfriend!  Junk.  When I moved to Stirling I begrudgingly left them.

I have finally realized that even though I had dumped the magazines I am still carrying around yesterday's junk, not in garbage bags, even worse, my head.  Another thing I've realized is knowing you're carrying the junk does not get rid of it, you physically and mentally have to put it out...day after day, after day, until it no longer builds up.  I'm not there yet but every time I come home from a meeting my head feels a little lighter and less weighed down by yesterday's junk and I am reminded why we are on this earth.  We are here to connect and help each other.

Are you carrying around yesterday's junk?  

Have you thought about how it weighs you down and keeps you from living your best life?

Let the junk go.  What have you got to lose?  Just junk.

My back hurts!

In my efforts to get back to goal this past summer I doubled up on my walking and my back paid the price!  Both my chiropractor and massage therapist (not to mention my husband) just shook their heads..."Why?  You know better!" As this in a chronic condition, yes I do. Plus I sit all day at my computer and forget to get up for hours at a time.  Thank goodness I have to get up to get something to eat!

So, I haven't walked for 2 weeks and my back is getting better but I'm aware I can easily slip back into couch potato status....isn't it maddening how fast that can happen?  So to keep my brain thinking in terms of daily exercise mode I have been on my stationary bike everyday and doing the floor exercises my therapists recommended.  And I've started standing up to work and while standing in place alternate lifting my heels up and down and several times a day just walk down to the basement and back. I keep thinking about the image below and know being a potato is not an option!

  

Fitness is so much a part of aging well (man I talk a lot about aging well, don't I?  I tend to be like a dog with a bone sometimes!)  And the great thing is that we don't have to take out a gym membership or run a marathon to get the benefits of moving.  I admire the runners but long ago knew that was not for me and have done the gym thing but also not for me.  But I love walking with my boys (1 dog, 1 man) and am hoping that snowshoeing will be as fun as I remember it was last year!

Just to remind you here's what regular exercise can do for you!

Remember it's not about being better than someone else, 

it's about being the best you!

Mandarin Buffet update!!

I did it!  No dessert last night at the Mandarin AND for the first time ever, I ate salad at a buffet! Yes, I am claiming a victory in the salad department, even though I covered my plate with lots of greens and then Chinese food on top of it!  Why?  Because I only eat Chinese food once in a while, I eat lots of vegetables every day!

I did it!! No sugar!

I'm not sure if I was able to stay sugar-free all weekend because I wanted to prove to myself I could do it or because I told everyone that was my goal and I didn't want to fail!  I think a bit of both.

What did I learn?  I think the biggest lesson was how important it was to make my plan well before the big meals.  For me there is no way I could have resisted at meal time, or rather dessert time, absolutely no way.  

One thing that shocked me was how "easy" (I'm not sure if easy is the right word but it was not hard so...) it was to have my pumpkin mousse and be fine with it and even enjoy it.  I think I enjoyed it even more knowing there was no sugar in it.  Once I took sugar out of my dinner equation and left no room for even a maybe, my brain did not even go into it's usual mental salivating.  And I did it for two meals.  I did have beer.

Other than my first Thanksgiving (although knowing my Mom she probably mashed up some pie and spoon fed it to me:)) this is the first Thanksgiving in 54 years that I did not stuff myself with dessert.  And I did not die!

I'm not saying I'll never have sugar again but I want to get back to goal first because

goal is better than pie.

Well, on to the next challenge...going to the Mandarin Buffet restaurant on Wednesday.  My goal is no sugar and to actually eat a plate of zero's before starting in on the Chinese food.  We've got to take life one meal at a time because have you ever noticed our lives revolve around food???

My Thanksgiving plan - nix the sugar and heap on the gratitude!

I know what you are thinking, "How can one be grateful without pie for Thanksgiving??"  The answer is, "How will I know if I don't try?".  Maybe I will be super grateful and feel really successful!

Other years I have tried eating lots of turkey and veggies thinking I'd be too full for pie...nope. Would be full enough to have just one piece of pie...nope. The one thing I have not tried is planning before hand to have no sugar.  This is my plan for this year.  I will have some pumpkin custardy dessert topped with some no sugar vanilla Greek yogurt.  I have been sugarless for over 2 months and I really don't want to blow it so that is my plan.  And I plan to be successful.

What is your plan for the weekend?  Have you decided how you're going to navigate all the meals, enjoy and still stay on plan?  Are you going to wing it and think this will be the year you will have just one small piece of dessert?  What will it take to help you feel successful?

Everyone body has a different idea of what will be a successful weekend.  Decide what will mean success for you. Whatever you decide to do, or not do, make sure that it is your plan and not just the outcome of not planning.  The difference will be in how you feel about yourself when the weekend is over.  If you don't plan and just eat whatever you want that could trigger a slide that could throw you off track for days or weeks...we all know how easily that can happen!  But if you truly plan it, have a beginning and ending date, are aware and accepting of the consequences, you are more likely to get back on track Tuesday morning because you will feel successful.  Have a plan.

Remember your goal, remember why you started and 

why you keep going and plan accordingly! 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I am grateful for each and everyone of you, 

you motivate me to make a plan!

I have a new goal: I want to age well...how about you?

I've told my 27 year old son many times, "What you do in your 20's, 30's and 40's comes home to roost in your 50's, 60's and 70's".  Pretty profound I think!  Although it covers all parts of life, for this blog it's about health.

When I was young all I thought about was being good enough which meant being thin which meant years of starving on a bad day and being on a very strict diet on a good day.  I have continued with that cycle on and off until I was 54....I'm 54 now.  I'm sad to say that has been my story....at lease my "personal-deep down-nobody knows" story.  Thankfully I have been blessed with so many wonderful gifts in my life that I've always had some balance.  

And now that story is home to roost.  I believe my years of bingeing and depriving myself have caused my body to say "enough"!  I have been diligently working the plan for months and the weight remains the same.  Last week I stopped using my weekly 49...am hoping for results from that change. but I have a feeling it's going to be very slow going and I don't particularly care for slow going!  So I've decided to see this as an opportunity to switch my focus from weight loss to health and personal happiness.  

One of the gifts I've been blessed with so far is good health....knocking wood as I type...and I'd like that to continue.  I've seen some people in my life aging and some of them are remarkable and some of them are tragic.  I want to be remarkable.  I don't want my 20's, 30's and 40's story to be my final story.  

Some of the ways I am updating my story:

1. I have accepted the years I've wasted: it's hard to move forward looking back.

2. I have accepted wasting any more time would mean I've learned nothing

and THAT would be tragic!

3. I've seen how movement or lack of movement can help you be remarkable, 

or tragic, at any age.  I happily move my body every day.  

Nothing fancy, I walk and I stretch.

4. Sugar is my enemy and for me it is an addiction.  

I'm not saying I will never have sugar again but I personally never bring it into my home.  

 I work at making non-sugar food plans when dining out.

5. I'm working on detaching my self worth from the number on the scale. 

Because it has been my story for 45 years this is a major challenge for me. Trying to accomplish that while still wanting the number on the scale to change is delicate work. 

6. I believe the food we put in our bodies can be medicine or it can be poison.  

I choose medicine.

7. Not only do I try to do things that make me happy, I try to do them without guilt.  

Guilt cripples joy.

8.  I let things go.  I know, so much easier said than done!!  

How is your story going to end?  Have you updated it lately?  

What choices will you make today so you will always be remarkable?

Well, surprise, surprise... I survived! And I didn't buy chips!

What an emotional roller coaster these past few weeks have been....I am exhausted!  In a nut shell, I did really well and only slipped slightly into an old habit.  But to be fair, I did not anticipate it so it blindsided me.  Will explain later.

I was so good at the wedding, even I surprised myself!  Was it because of the weigh-in fear?  Of course it was but I'm still taking it a win!  I had just 2 adult beverages, and was going to allow my 3. The dinner was the dreaded "B" word....buffet but I had only a huge amount of green salad and 1.5 pieces of chicken for dinner.  I had no dessert:  that decision was actually quite easy because I made up my mind before even going.  I knew I would just keep going back for more....so all or nothing? Nothing. Which also meant no wedding cake or cupcake....my husband had both.  There was one food element I was not counting on.....a chocolate and candy buffet!!!! What????  Who does that????

I did not even go over to look at it.  And finally even though I had not accumulated many FitBit steps during the day we did not leave until I danced almost 6000 steps! 

So how did I feel after the wedding?  Really proud of myself.  How did I feel the next morning before weigh-in? Sick to my stomach.  I went for my walk (got knocked ass over tea kettle by the neighbor who tried to run through me to play with James) and just kept telling myself "Relax, you will be fine." (thanks Lynda!)

So I had a pee and weighed-in and yup, I'm still 10 pounds over goal.  The head office weigh-er smiled and said "Perfect, thanks Joanne" and had no judgement.  Why was I surprised?  She is a member just like me and just like you. Jackie came up to me and asked me how I felt about it...we're all in this together!

I will admit I had a bit of difficulty feeling worthy to be there for the rest of the meeting. And this is when the old habit crept in, "I made it through all this and I don't have to weigh in for another month... I'm going to get a big bag of chips (go to No-Frills - get a PC flavour I've never tried) and a large Lindt chocolate bar (and not the 70% cocoa one either).  I had totally forgotten about an habit of mine: drowning my sorrows after a stressful time!  

After the meeting I chatted with Jane who always gives such leveled headed advice! Sitting in my car I thought about My Success Story.  I am writing it and just as part of it is facing my fears and dealing with the emotions, so is acknowledging a destructive habit and choosing to not give in.  I did not get the chips and chocolate bar.  I did have a wee nip of Moonshine when I got home, a girl can only take so much in one day!  And I did add a tad too much (a large tad) cheese and sour cream to my veggies. And I had a protein bar with a nice thick layer natural peanut butter for dessert.  But...I did not have chips!   And I've thrown out the rest of the sour cream.    

So how do I feel now?  Well, the facts:

1. I didn't die

2. I handled two very stressful situations as well as I was able

3. I'm very motivated to continue writing My Success Story

4. It's a process, not always easy but always worth it

5. I'm very grateful for you all

Thank you!

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” - Pema Chödrön

I am really relating to Pema's quote these days!  
(Doesn't she have the best face?)

As I mentioned in couple of weeks ago, in my FEAR post, I have a "head office weigh-in" this Sunday at a staff meeting, and I have a wedding to attend on Saturday!  Up until two weeks ago I had been so fearful of that weigh-in that I was making myself sick.  Then thanks to My Success Story, I have bravely been working on my success story.  And my success story requires I learn from, and learn to manage, my fears.

It's not been easy and I have to remind myself that it is I who is giving myself this difficult time.  It is I who has placed judgement on what I perceive as my failure, not my bosses: they know all too well this is not an easy journey and help is there for my asking.

So, I've been eating well, tracking, and walking but most of all I've been both letting go, and leaning into, my fears.
Letting go: I have decided I will not weigh myself this week, only on Sunday at the staff meeting (it's only Monday, so we'll see how this one goes!).
Leaning into: trying to accept my weight will be what it will be while feeling only love/acceptance for myself and my efforts.
It's not be easy and I won't lie, I had thoughts of "I'll just won't eat this week" on my walk this morning but I've also had moments of feeling truly okay with myself and wow, that felt wonderful, liberating and very foreign! I'm imagining what it would feel like to live life in that state.

This is another one of Pema's quotes and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. 

I've been asking myself "What is it I need to learn from the "weigh-in" situation?"  The answer that pops into my head first is "Really??  With all the real problems I could have THIS is what I'm using my non-reproducing brain cells on?" 

I know how deeply rooted my self-worth is to my weight so what I'm really learning now is that my weight is just the manifestation of feelings of unworthiness. This just occurred to me: maybe even though weight issues are painful deep down I've decided they are way less painful that the truth.  Ummm, something else I just learned, interesting.

Well, this is just Monday and history tells me this week will be a wee bit of an emotional roller coaster, but that's okay, it's all part of my success story!  What will be your success story?

Update:  It's now Wednesday and my resolve to not weigh in before Sunday is waning to say the least!  I really feel I need to stay the course and deal with the "I must lose weight before Sunday" feelings that are overwhelming me.  Honestly, they are giving me a headache and that pisses me off because headaches make me want to eat!!!  But my "why" these days is to love and accept and I really feel I need to face the weigh-in and see how that feels.  Who knows, I may not even die!

The good news it's Wednesday and I get to see my all loving, all accepting peeps!  If you find this last statement a bit sappy, sorry, that's just the way it is this week!

   

Are you addicted to....sugar???? I am/was, it depends on the day.

Most of us love sweet, sugary food but some of us are addicted to it.  Research reports "A junk food addiction is a lot more like a drug addiction than researchers previously thought.  They now claim sugar is eight times more addictive than cocaine."  EIGHT times more!!!  Where are the Public Service Announcements about this???  Oh, right, it's a legal drug.

If you, like me, struggle with sugar, maybe you are addicted to it. I got this list from Medical News Today.

• The person takes the substance and cannot stop - I went to a family buffet/BBQ and did not have 1 dessert because I knew I would have 10....not a figurative 10 but an actual 10!  Was just lucky to be having a strong day and decided before hand not to have any.  I still had a goodly amount of yummy old cheese instead...sure I racked up the calories but still count it as a win!
• Withdrawal symptoms - I remember one of the many times I gave up sugar. I was in high sugar consumption mode for months, I was so sick with headaches and body aches that I had to go to bed for 3 days.
• Addiction continues despite health problem awareness - In my opinion nothing makes the weight jump up like consuming sugar because it's also a gateway food for me.  I need to eat lots of fat and starch to balance me out how crappy the sugar is making me feel.  I'n sure there is a upper/drowner correlation here but thankfully I can say I don't know it.
• Social and/or recreational sacrifices - I'm either excited to go to an event, usually when I'm "using" or dread it, usually when I'm "on the wagon".  If there is food involved, rarely am I able to just attend an event and enjoy.   
• Maintaining a good supply - I never have sugar in the house anymore....NEVER, EVER.  Does a cocaine addict Okay to just get a bit in for the weekend?  Even when I buy a bag of chips, it is with the intent of eating them immediately, but I can be one and done with them....IF I don't keep bringing them into the house.  Then they would, and have, become a drug for me.
• Dealing with problems - Nothing makes our problems seem to melt away like stuffing our faces with large amounts of sugary crap.  Ya, that ends shortly after the last wrapper is ripped open.  Do you want one problem or two, right?
• Obsession - It amazes me how much time I have spent/still spend on thinking about food.  I even dream about it.  I had a WW dream last night:  We were entertaining the Costa Rican WW membership and the "salad" we gave each person was a huge, honkin' bowl of mashed potatoes with 4 whole green peppers thrown on it, and the dessert table...like a church bake sale!  I woke up in the sweat.
• Secrecy and solitude - Man, does this take a lot of planning!  I used to hide my intake, which meant buying and consuming and destroying the container/wrapper evidence.  The secret is to always buy two so you can quickly replace what disappeared.  Sad but true.
• Denial - I knew from a very young age, thank you Cosmopolitan, I had a problem.  Living in a grocery store certainly didn't help. Imagine an alcoholic living at the Liquor Store.  Also, thank you Cosmopolitan for telling me every month I was not up to par and for showing me the many ways I could improve myself.  Ummm, I wonder if there is a lawsuit there?
• Excess consumption - Again, more amazement.  People are amazed at how many pieces of pie I can eat.  I tell them it's because I don't eat bread and potatoes.  I still tell myself I will have just one piece of pie and I think I really believe this will be the time that will be true.  It has never happened....it's all or nothing....usually all.
• Dropping hobbies and activities - I've never not taken part in a hobby or activity because there may or may not be food.  I have done so because I've been afraid of not being good enough.  
• Having stashes - The fear of not having a fix available if needed drives us to put sugary bits in our grocery cart and pray we don't run into someone we know.  The trick is to cover it up with large leafy vegetables and toilet paper. You know you have done it too.
• Relationship problems - The biggest blow back from my sugar addiction was the shame, disappointment and lack of self control I felt within myself.  And when you feel that level of failure it has to spill over onto the people you love.

So where are you on the sugar addiction scale?  Do any of the above ring true for you? 

I know this is cute, but don't let this happen to you!

Get out of your own way!

I am an expert on this one!  I have set up many road blocks, windows and doors that have kept, and still keep me, from success ALL the time!  Why???  If I knew that I'd be on a book tour right now.

You can hold yourself back by always blaming others or life in general for your misfortunes, never taking responsibility for your own happiness or unhappiness.  We've all done it at one time or another but some of us have that negativity so ingrained in our personalities that we don't even recognize it. We just know we are unhappy and feel unsuccessful.  Could this be you?  Not sure?  Start paying attention to your reactions to others and situations. Do you blame others ALL the time?  Do you never think about the hand you may have had in the situation?  

So let's connect it to weight loss: Do you always find an excuse as to why you're not losing weight?? Too busy?  Kids were home? Stressed out at work?  My spouse buys junk food? No time to exercise? No time to track? If these phrases come out of your mouth or into your head on a regular basis, perhaps you are standing in your way to success by not taking responsibility for your your life and your actions. 

You can also hold yourself back by refusing to accept that you DON'T need to change who you are to be successful.  That is the little nasty habit I've been working forever!  It's the "once I've lost weight I'll good enough" dance.  I'm really sick of it and am working on it!

But I think it's the biggest road block of all because it's tied to the very essence of who we think we are.  It's tied to the most important love of all, self love....and yes, I know, cue the Whitney Houston music, but it's true!  

Again, I'm going to think like my dog James thinks....

" I love everyone and I am super smart, super cute and super sweet...my Mom says so!

"Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life." ...so THAT really sucks!

This whole fear thing is really scaring me, and probably scarring me too, haha, I had to look up which one had 2 "r"s! I have 2 food functions and a long weekend between now and the "head office" weigh in that will take place before our annual staff meeting.  I understand, and absolutely agree with, the reasoning behind the weigh-in, we are all members first and it's important we never forget that: we need the accountability factor just like everyone else.

But understanding and agreeing comes from the logical part of my brain, which I'm learning is not always the first part of my brain I use in emotional situations!  I now know I was conditioned to react to all situations with fear first.  But knowing that has only helped me change my fear-first reaction in situations that don't have anything to do with my core feelings of not being good enough.  And my life-long battle with my weight started with my core identity of not being good enough ...so you see my quandary: I know what it is but am unable to fix it which  really pisses me off because I never give up and am a fixer!  Yet I am unable to fix this.  Ummm....but can we fix fear?  I feel fear because I feel I won't be good enough (translation: will be over goal weight). So does that mean if I get back to goal (notice I said "if" because I'm truly fearful that will not happen) then I will no longer be fearful, because if I'm at goal weight that means I'm good enough?  Wow, that's F'd up.

I'm feeling frustrated right now because my reason for writing this blog is to share feelings and difficulties and then discuss ways to overcome them and continue on with our goals.  But I fear, haha..this one make take a while!  But I do see from writing over the last 4 hours, yes, I've been writing, and not writing, (went for a walk, took a shower, did up the recycling and vacuumed) for 4 hours, that the fear fix is going to be a 2 step process because I can't get rid of the fear of weighing in and being over goal until I come to terms with the original cause of all my fears: feeling less than. Well damn, that's not going to be easy since I've based my entire life's feelings of self worth on being able to control my weight!

So this is where the title quote comes in...

I hold on to my original childhood fears of not being good enough so I keep reliving those fears. So, my logical brain bits kicks in and tells me to just let it all go because the present is all that matters but those 54 years of thoughts and feelings are so woven into the fabric of my being it won't happen overnight.  And it certainly won't happen by weigh-in time!  But it can happen.

My course of action?

I will start to disconnect my feelings of worth with

 the number on the scale,

and start seeing myself the way my dog James does!

My relationship with food is finally quite healthy but what about my relationship with WW?

The summer has taken me and my weight loss efforts on a roller coaster ride and I'm not big on rides! But through most of it, my mind, body and food relationship has been quite healthy, meaning I've balanced my "on Plan" days with my indulgent days, have got my 10,000 Fitbit steps in most days and, even though I've had some frustrating "wish I could get back to goal days", I have not beat myself up once!  Considering the relationship I've had with food my whole life, that is pretty damn healthy, wouldn't you agree?

However, yesterday I had a bit of a revelation: my relationship with WW is not as healthy as it could be and here's why:  I love the plan and think it's truly the best way to lose and maintain weight loss but, and here's the unhealthy part, I also fear it.  I am fearful to get weighed in every week because I know with my summer cha-cha-ing I am still 7 or 8 pounds over goal. I'm fearful if I weigh in before a meeting that I will be in a funk and be useless to my members if the scale doesn't budge or budges in the wrong direction.  I'm fearful that I will seem less-than in the eyes of my members and co-workers because I can't seem to get back to goal.  I'm fearful that I may never get back to goal.  I'm fearful that my hard fought battle to have a peaceful and healthy relationship with food will suddenly end.  That's a lot of fear!!  Why didn't I see it before?  Why am I fearing something I love?  Too many years of living a fear driven life I guess.

So now I have a new goal: to manage my fears and I think I will start with acceptance.

So what do you fear?  Is your fear holding you back?  

Jack Canfield says
 "Everything you want is on the other side of fear."

So why not let it go, what have you really got to lose??

This is what I am going to try...

Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be.

This is a continuation of the topic from last week.  Not only is wanting to be someone else a waste of time, so is lamenting the fact "that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be!" When we talked about body image and feeling gratitude for the bodies we have right here and now, the room got quiet!!  But when asked to name our "problem spots", everyone had at least one!

So what if our "spots" have grown, sagged, and generally re-arranged themselves, this is the body we have, and if we're lucky, will be with us for many, many years.  

And, if this is you, think of it this way...

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are....

Well, isn't that little statement the truth!?!  And I'm going to go one step further and say it's a waste of your precious, and limited, time on earth wishing it will happen!  How am I so smart that I know these things?? Because, once again ha, ha, I am my own best science experiment! I have wasted countless, precious, and never to be regained hours wanting and wishing for things to be different.  I was the young 12 year old locked in my room pouring over beauty magazines wishing I was someone else.

Over the years my vanity, fueled by my near non-existent self esteem, lead me to starve myself into a 12 year eating disorder, an uncontrollable sugar addiction and acute gastritis.  And let's not even discuss the number all of that did on my ability to poop! I can say that now without embarrassment because thankfully I am now at an age when I really don't give a shit!!  Ha, ha....

I'd like to say I grew up, became enlightened, discovered the meaning of life and started my journey into well being but nope, not the case!  I had nothing to do with it.  I got pregnant and something inside of me snapped (his name is Glenn) and I went into protective mother-mode. There was no way I was going to do anything to harm an innocent and that started me on my road, a very long road that sometimes took me up a very steep hill and very close to the edge, to recovery.

I was a little heavy as a child but it wasn't until I started to obsess about being someone better that I started to gain weight. Oh, and here's the kicker: thanks to my starvation diets which started in Grade 6, at 18 years old I weighed 125 pounds and had a 22 inch waist....but I thought I was fat.  So then I was...where the mind goes the body follows. 

I find it ironic that this blogs title belongs to Marilyn Monroe, the definition of physical perfection by many standards, and yet, she suffered greatly with low self esteem.  

So where are you in your story?  Are you happy to be you? Yes? Fantastic, you were gifted with one of the essential building blocks for a happy life!  Or are you not so happy being you?  How much of your one and only life have you spent of wanting and wishing to be someone else?  

Not sure how to turn the wanting of what-can-never-be off? Well, like any unhealthy habit it starts with acknowledging it exists. Notice when it comes up in your thoughts and then practice changing the direction of the negative thought to a positive one.  It doesn't have to be deep and philosophical, it just has to positive and honest. 

Don't waste the wonderful person you are
 by wishing you were someone else!